The non-beloved Madonna
by LadyAppleBeinagrind
Summary: Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing goes by many names. [Integra x female OC]
1. I bring her coffee

_[The name of my **OC** is **Lydia Romanoff** and is made up by me.]_

* * *

I took a deep breath, staring down at the tray I held with a cup of black coffee.

Two sugars at the side.

One silver spoon on a napkin of fabric.

A letter with a red candle wax stamp.

I couldn't help but read the cursive letters that decorated the envelope.

 _'_ _Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing.'_

I looked at the door one last time, thinking a prayer that I wouldn't mess anything up this time. I balanced the tray on my knee as I knocked softly on the wood before I managed to slip through the gap in the great door and close it without any further problem.

Holy macaronis in Bangladesh. She had a phone call. Probably the most important phone call in the world too. She glanced at me from behind her desk and I smiled at her warily, willing to make my exit at once but she calmly waved me in with her slender fingers.

Her simple action was slow and gracious. When I came closer she looked almost bored out of her skull whilst she was leaning on the phone.

"Well Mister Becket, I cannot help you about this matter, and if you refuse to understand that then I will certainly hang up in this instant." She spoke to the man in the phone but she was looking at me with such a deadpanned expression that she almost seemed to converse with me in the language of business-like discourse. She always had her way with her words, Integra.

I remained put, a meter and a half away from the great desk and I held onto the tray with coffee awkwardly. I could overhear a desperate voice from the other side of the line and it got even more audible when she moved the receiver from her ear ever so slowly and glanced at me in such a way that she had grown so tired of the man on the phone and was asking for help.

 _"Sir Integra? Sir Integra? Sir Integra?"_ His voice ranted before she calmly hanged up without a trace of regret in her blue eyes.

"Just in time Lydia." She said and sighed, leaning back in her large chair. "Some men don't even know how to deal with their own matters, even if their own life depended on it." She muttered, caressing her temples with her gloved fingers. "You're working too hard." I said in the bravest voice I could master and received a glance of oddness and almost curiosity from her part. I cleared my throat and held onto the tray of coffee for dear life, feeling my cheeks burn over the scented steam. Oh right the coffee.

I took a slow step forward and placed the tray down on the desk in front of her. "Coffee for you Sir. And a letter as well." I said and stepped to the side, remaining there if she wanted me for something else. She didn't even glance at any of the things I had brought her, but only at me as her blue eyes had followed me all the way to her right.

"Sit down." She said.

"Um." I said dumbly, because I saw no chair. When I started looking around the huge room I even considered sitting on the floor, until I finally found a spare chair by one of the walls. I went there and got it, stunned by how luxurious pompous and heavy it was, and dragged it back to the side of the master desk. Luckily she was busy giving the dark hot liquid a stir with the silver spoon when I returned. One of the sugars was gone. She always added one sugar to her coffee, yet I always put two on the tray. Stupid or generous of me, I don't know. It was a habit of mine.

So I placed the fancy chair on the side of her desk because I felt more comfortable next to her than in front of her.

Do not speak to me about our first job interview... Why didn't someone just punch me in the face? But apparently, Sir Integra had grown fond of me for some odd reason, and blessed my desperate soul by taking me as the servant with less... complex services for the leader of Hellsing. Including giving her coffee three times a day and make sure there is coffee available for the army and when there is important meetings and supplying refreshments to the conferences. Anything coffee-related really. Sometimes I wondered if I had the easiest job in the organization. I stood in between killing people and scrubbing toilets. The worst thing that could happen really was that Walter had more time on his hands and said I could leave for the day, and that he would take over from there. I hated when that happened. It wasn't like getting good news or anything. Some people consider days-off as euphoria, but it only made me feel even more useless in my job than what I already thought I did. In this way, it was a hard work. It was so easy it got hard, but where else should I go? The paycheck was ridiculous too. I got too much money for doing this nonsense, really. But that's something I would die for instead of saying out loud.

Integra placed the spoon neatly beside the napkin, not on top of it. She never put it back on the napkin because she didn't want it to get dirty. Yet, she never used the napkin either so it has gotten to the point that I believe that she's doing it because she's messing with me. There you go. Almost one year of service and I'm already getting paranoid. Job-injured and paranoid. The cup she's drinking from is one in hand-painted porcelain and it comes with a saucer underneath; and she always left it untouched. There we go again. Unnecessary details and additions; in vain polished over and over again, without a single fingerprint of hers on it. But even if she touched it, she wouldn't be able to leave any form of trace on it, because she's always wearing gloves. Always. At least in my company.

I somehow constantly had this odd thought that if she touched the saucer, just this once, it wouldn't get dirty but the opposite; it would, no, _everything_ she touched would get purified, because whatever Integra Hellsing was doing, she was doing it with unaware elegance, and I was the only person in the universe who took notice to the small things. Because I saw her every day. 7-3 on the weekdays and 9-5 on the weekends and hopefully on possible evening shifts. I saw her in conferences with 5-50 men. I met her with Walter at her side. I met her alone.

Funny thing is that no matter how much I'm aware of her manners; I was always caught off guard as soon as she speaks to me. "Is everything in order, Lydia?" She asks after placing down her cup on the tiny plate so softly my ears didn't even take notice to the sound of the porcelain impact. My name sounded strange rolling off her tongue. She pronounced it in such a formal, flawless way that made me sound like a different person. I looked weirdly at her without meaning too. Almost putting a baffled hand on my chest asking "Me?" and look around the room to search after whoever this _Lydia_ was that she was talking to, I instead shuffled in the chair, preparing myself mentally to remind me of how you do when you talk. "I notice in your eyes that's something is bothering you. Is everything alright?" She asked, all of her words melting in my system and her gentle voice spoiling my hearing ability.

My eyes, she saw it in my eyes which meant she was looking at my eyes which meant she was looking at my face which meant she was looking at me. I didn't know how to react at the intimate attention I got from her. I needed to keep myself together. She was my boss for crying out loud. I swallowed something in my throat and was about to speak but when her blue eyes struck my soul and her thin built was merely leaning over the still steaming cup of coffee in a willingness to know if I, her mere servant was alright, all I could manage was an overenthusiastic nod. Integra stared at me for a while more before she unconvincingly looked down in the coffee with a bleak expression. Perhaps I should've voiced my words. Oh my god I insulted her.

"And are you alright?" I blurted out a little bit too loudly, surprising and disgracing myself with my way of talking. But my obtrusiveness didn't bother her at all; in fact I didn't even manage to turn her attention back. She was glancing at the inside of the teacup that wasn't a teacup right now because it was filled with nothing but coffee and expectation for something I never could put my finger on. "I'm alright." She said, and I got jealous of her simple answer and how she didn't make a great deal out of everything like I did. It wasn't that hard to say was it? She looked up at the door. "Did you close the door properly, Lydia?" She then asked and a feeling of panic flared up in my chest for what I thought was a complain even though I was aware that I had closed it. I always close the door. But my eyes darted at the door anyway and my answer wasn't the best I could've said. "I-I think so. Do you want it open?" I asked, already preparing myself to leap towards the door and burst it open.

"That's not necessary..." She smiled at me and leaned back in her chair, like that fact only made her relax. She looked so comfortable sitting there with her long slender arms at the armrests that I even thought about leaving her alone, but... I didn't want to do that. I decided to stay. I'll stay here as long as I can. Until she tells me not to. The sun settled itself outside the huge windows then; the sunshine getting trapped in her long blonde hair strands and making the side of her face glow. And here I sat, squinting at the sudden natural light that attacked my eyes, frowning, and highlighted everything I was insecure about. I pushed the chair forward and to the side a bit to escape into the shadow. Integra was glancing at me behind the barrier of glasses. I was sitting closer to her now.

Integra shrugged off my odd behavior and took another sip of the coffee, spoon laying on its right place, saucer untouched. Then, the sun faded and I felt stupid for moving in such a rush because of the sunlight that had disappeared almost instantly. "Don't tell me you are a vampire too now?" Integra asked in a joking manner, but I didn't know better. "No. I just don't like having the sun in my eyes." I explained boringly, taking her question a bit too seriously. Great job. I finally manage to get Integra Hellsing the slightest amused and I ruin everything. I must find something else to talk about. I looked around for inspiration and my gaze landed on the neat envelope. "Shall you not read the letter?" I asked and Integra narrowed her eyes. "Are you sticking your nose in my matters Lydia?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest and my heart dropped to my stomach.

"No. It was simply a suggestion." I said, not regretting my answer this time. "Tell me then, if I read the letter, would it please you?" She asked, tapping the corner of the envelope with a long slender finger. It was a question I had to think about but that I already knew the answer to. "No." I said timidly, beginning to question myself for wanting her to read a letter in my presence in the first place. "Then why suggest it?" She asked with a deadpanned expression. She was turning all serious on me and that's not what I wanted out of this. I took in a shaky breath. To the devil with false modesty. "Because I always say stupid things and I tried to disarm the attention you're giving me." I explained bitterly, my hand clutching onto the side of her desk. All of my inner organs flipped at what she said next.

"Impossible."

I couldn't believe what I just had heard, at first I thought she used that word as an insult but she hadn't empathized that word in such a way, and the genuine smile on her features convinced me that something else was behind her word. I sat still in the chair, a heated blush gathering in the center of my face. All kind of theories and explanations lined up in my head to understand what she had meant with that word, but the only one that made any sense was that she find it impossible to keep her eyes off me; which felt incredibly ironic to me because that is what I have been struggling with myself ever since day one, meaning that my boss was like an artwork herself.

The time had stopped and the room was silent. I didn't have the heart to turn my head away despite that it would spare me some sort of dignity since I couldn't manage a word and was sitting staring into her blue eyes like a modest child at the coffee table with her grandparents. When I finally managed to melt her opinion, I managed to return her smile, but Integra's seriousness had returned then. She cleared her throat. "Lydia, I've been meaning to ask you something. It's about a promotion, as well as replacement of your duties. Are you interested in that matter?" She asked, remembering me that I was at work. I nodded even though I wasn't sure. I knew this job was a bit meaningless sometimes but I would lie if I said that I didn't enjoy it.

"Very good, Lydia." Integra said contently and clasped her fingers over her coffee, glancing at me sideways. "A new service is available for you at military quarters." She started and my smile dropped.

Military quarters. Is she okay?

"One of my best men was annihilated by a monster and we need to replace him before all others fall victim. He was positioned as team captain and specialized in melee and sniper. You can do that, right Lydia?" She asked but I was too puzzled by the horrific offering that I couldn't answer. I didn't kill monsters. I _served_ Sir Integra Hellsing. I was a mere servant.

I began thinking about okay ways to reject her request without sounding rude or cowardly. Integra seemed to know about my inner conflict and gave me a look of mild compassion and put her glowed hand on my own, making my decision even harder. There we go. I finally got purified. But this was not the way I had thought it would be.

This was the second time Integra was touching me after about a year ago when we had shaken hands in our first meeting. Her hand was larger than mine and when I felt her thumb stroke my knuckles, she began laughing. And at that moment, I realized that she was joking with me. I didn't laugh because I was still left behind in the seriousness. A mixture of bittersweet shock and relief washed over me.

"Ah, forgive me Lydia!" She said and patted my hand repeatingly. "I didn't know you would react so seriously to this, but of course I wouldn't force you into the military services." She said, traces of amusement still gracing her features. I didn't know how to feel about all this. It was hard to tell if Sir Integra was making fun of me or simply joking about, yet again, this might have been the first time I've heard her laughter. I've seen her smile very rarely, but hearing her laughter was something utterly new to me. My eyes darted around. They looked at her hand on mine. The envelope, the leftover sugar cube, the rejected napkin, the small stain of coffee on the outside of the cup.

"Lydia." Integra called my name and I looked at her. Her face had got emptied of joy. "Forgive me." She said, her hand caressing my own all the way out to my wrist. Did I look upset or something? "You don't have to apologize. I'm just glad I can please you." I managed to say calmly and with a bit of dignity left. Integra's eyes widened a little and if I'm not mistaken, I could hear a mild, charming gasp escape from her. But her stunned face did not last long. She smiled contently and looked at me in an adoring manner.

"Please me." She spoke in the clean voice only she could. Then her smile got trimmed with a straight raw of teeth. "If what you're saying is correct; you must surely know all of the small tricks to satisfy me?" She asked without backing down. She measured the circumference around my wrist with her hand.

"I'm only less half good than Walter." I said and I cursed my lips to say that in this rare, bold and perfect moment.

"Pardon me Miss - Sir!" I said, seeing her eyes looking at me in pure misunderstanding.

"Who am I kidding. I could never please someone like you..." I mumbled miserably.

 _Someone like you_ \- Someone like her. It was like she was from a completely different world. She had a superior social status that I would never be part of, even if I was positioned as team captain and was specialized in melee and sniper. I would always just be me. Her hand tightened her grip, like she had overheard my thoughts and protested.

"But I can please you." Integra said in the same convincement you could hear her when talking to her men. I glared at her, not having time to give away any reaction because right then, the door opened and Integra removed her hand, turned her gaze to the opening and leaned back slowly in her chair.

"I'm sorry for interrupting." Walter said.

"So am I." Integra said flatly.

"Tell me the situation without unnecessary information, make your leave and make sure to keep in mind that we knock on doors before entering. Only few know how to interrupt the rightful way; and it appears only one can please me in that matter." Integra said professionally and Walter bowed to her in apology with the gentlest smile in the world on his lips. I couldn't help but feel a bit bad for the old man; even though it wasn't necessary since he took the criticism as it was and listened to her orders.

"I'm afraid that this matter wasn't as urgent as I might have portrayed it. Sir Integra and Miss Lydia. I'll come back another time." He excused himself, bowed again and left the room whilst shutting the door with an obvious boom to assure us of our privacy. The words kept returning in my head from that one sentence.

Sir Integra and Miss Lydia. Walter had spoken my name next to hers and it was both an honor and a privilege to hear that from the head butler of Hellsing.

The office got silent and Integra muttered something under her breath while fiddling after something in her suit jacket. She took out a lighter and set fire to one of her cigars that had been laying in order in a thin box of metal at her left. The expected smoke twirled up in the air. No one could smoke like Integra. She made it into a beautiful and almost harmless thing, like some sort of art form. She made it appear like it was a good and healthy thing, well for her anyway, and that she would not function without it. She would die without it. It was her daily need and no one dared to stop her. When she exhaled; the smoke greeted me like a kiss of tobacco and invaded all my senses and personal space. I wanted to cough but I didn't dare to do such a weak and silly thing in her presence, so I stopped breathing and shut my mouth. Like always then.

"Did you notice that?" She asked. "Walter has served me for as long as I can remember and a mere newbie beats him at knocking at the bloody door, even balance a tray with steaming coffee and silently interrupting a phone call." She said, talking about me in a third person view. And I was internally dueling with the smoke that had surrounded me and refused to leave me alone.

Then she said, "I heard a saying once, 'You can meet someone tomorrow who has better intentions for you than someone you've known for years, time means nothing, character does.'"

After finishing the saying, she ended her cigar and rose from her seat. She was staring at the door. "Reconsider locking the door next time." She said strictly, but she was smiling in that mysterious way the tended to do.

"Lastly; I would like to learn about your intentions in private, no matter how bold they are. I am not blind, Lydia. Neither stupid. You cannot fool me." She said, and I stood up abruptly at her discovery, feeling awfully flustered.

She looked at me like she knew something I didn't.

"Neither yourself." She added, giving the saucer a serene tap.


	2. I'm not a cat

_[The name of my **OC** is **Lydia Romanoff** and is made up by me.]_

* * *

I've never seen him before in my life.

He was definitely one of Integra's men, wearing the Hellsing Org. uniform and talked about Hellsing-related matters. He was tall. Almost taller than Integra, and he had clear blue eyes just like hers, but he had dark brown hair that was cut short.

Normally, I would've felt attracted to him. But standing next to Integra, my interest-level in the life around me turned below zero, and instead I got suspicious of him. Not in the way he looked, but the way he talked to her. The way he looked at her. The way he interacted with her on the whole.

Ever since he had disturbed our walk through the corridor where we were headed to the conference room, he hadn't as much as looked at me. It was like I wasn't even there. Her very own shadow had more presence than me.

"And indeed, while I'm at it, let me get this through to you Sir Hellsing. I simply must say that me and the others are extremely grateful and privileged to be working under your command."

 _'Sir Hellsing?'_ _Oh, gag me!_

I looked up at Integra alarmingly, expecting her to look annoyed or even offended, but what I saw was even worse.

She was smiling at him. She was smiling at this strange man. This stranger.

"That's very kind of you. I must say I'm honoured as well. Good luck with your new services." She said in her silky smooth, flattered voice. The stranger saluted her before walking past us (or just her, because I wasn't really there) and leaving us in a stop.

"Lydia. Shall we proceed?" She asks me. I don't know if it was my imagination, but she seemed awfully bored when he had gone away and she didn't talk to me like she had spoken to him. But at least she had touched my back nonchalantly, like someone would touch their dog to continue walking over a road with traffic lights.

Our lights had gone green and I walked bitterly beside my owner, hoping no more "traffic" would happen.

I was trying to act mature, giving her the silent treatment. Okay I don't suppose that's very mature at all, but…

I just felt that something was unsafe. This had made me not only pathetically jealous, but concerned as well.

I lost. I needed answers. I needed an explanation. Fast.

"Who was that man?" I ask her like a passive aggressive after a while of walking through the mansion. Integra looks down at me thoughtfully. She stops and I do the same.

"An collaborator." She answered shortly. She seemed confused at my sudden "interest" in him.

I can't help myself.

" _'Collaborator.'_ " I repeat with a huff and look away. I almost felt like doing the rabbit ears with my fingers but I changed my mind in the last.

 _"What the **hell** does that even mean."_ I mumble quietly, but Integra had ears to listen with and her eyes widen behind her glasses at the dirty word that escaped from me. I was a bit surprised too then. I think it was the first time I had actually cursed in her company. Integra was keen and observant, so of course she had noticed this too.

"The _hell_?" She asks, grabbing me by my upper arms with her both gloved hands and walk me backwards into a painting.

She was gentle and she hadn't hurt me, but I was still half-frightened. The frame of the painting was big and pressed against my shoulder blades.

I look up at her, the man still mocking me in my mind so my frown remains on my face.

Integra couldn't care less about my harmless expression.

"It means that he is a man who has sworn an oath to preserve, protect _and_ defend the constitution of Hellsing with the best of his abilities and faithfully execute the role as a soldier – within _our_ organization, and to be loyal to it and work in partnership till his death." She explains in sharp tongue, without sparing me a single word to be as smooth as the ones she had previously given this wonderful "collaborator."

"You're not acting like yourself." She tells me when I'm too stubborn – scared – to answer her. But deep down I knew that she was right; I just didn't feel like praising him right now.

"You remind me of a cat." She suddenly said.

"You get bitter and blasé, and then suddenly you're stroking yourself along my legs and want affection whenever you feel like it." She snorts softly, and a small smile appear on her lips at the thought of her own words.

"If I'm a cat then that man is a dog, and you, Integra, you're our owner. And I won't get along with some stupid dog." I bluster, looking up at her in a bitter pout.

Integra smiles.

"Now I understand..." She says, her blue eyes gleaming in their marvellous mystique. Her glowed hand reaches up to not touch, but to only nudge the side of my face.

"You want my attention for yourself, don't you? That's how it is." She mumbles in a voice that the man only could dream of. It felt like revenge enough for me.

But I still had a bad taste in my mouth about this. Integra explaining this man's role somewhat had made this even worse. It didn't matter how close Integra was to me right now, I still felt less important than him and the frame was still pressing against my back. I wouldn't back down so easily. Not yet.

"He called you: ' _Sir Hellsing.'_ Is that how you want to be addressed?" I ask her, and I can hear how ridiculous I thought everything was; I behaved just like a rebellious teenager, who was annoyed at everything in the world for no reason.

Integra can't even be upset with me anymore. She had enough already. Her hand drop from my face and I can actually see her roll her eyes.

"It doesn't matter how people address me, as long as they are being respectful." She said in a breath, like I had exhausted her. She had given me room to move away from the wall and all of the sudden we were walking again.

"But _Sir Hellsing…"_ I nagged. "It sound like a character in an old Shakespeare play." I said.

"I like Shakespeare." Integra considered with an amused smirk.

I walked closely beside her, glaring up at her in annoyance.

"Do you like cats?" I ask her in irritation.

She actually laughs then.

"At least they're better than dogs." I answer for her. "They are more independent. They can take care of themselves."

"Are you independent?" She asks me with a raised brow and I find myself looking at her for a long time.

Shit.

"Well… You make me independent." I tell her, and it must've been the stupidest thing I've said so far today.

"I make you independent?"

Of course she had to repeat it too. She had spelled out the words for me, loud and clear just like a teacher who teaches children to read.

"I didn't know what else to say." I said sheepishly.

"But I can be loyal too." I say meekly, feeling drained out of half-dumb statements. I was being serious now at least.

"I can be loyal to _you_." I correct, making it more personal.

We both stop again and look at each other. It gets awkward. I must say something to break the ice again.

"At least cats are cute, don't you think?" I ask, making a little dance on the same spot, but Integra has gotten tired of my nonsense.

 **"Jesus Christ, Lydia!"** She yells at me and I freeze like a deer in spotlight.

Hearing my name after the son of God, especially from her mouth felt disturbing and intimidating.

 _She just misused God's name because of little me._

She leaned down and my eyes escaped quickly from her stare.

"Look at me." She demanded, and I did even though I felt like crying.

"You're not my cat. You're my servant, understand? I expect you to do your job properly and not get carried away with irresponsible fantasies!" She half whisper and half shout with a piercing frown and I nod at her.

"I'm not a cat." I say miserably with a serious, agreeing nod.

Sir Hellsing sigh then, and she closes her eyes, like whatever she saw hurt them.

"I was out of line." She admits in a more collected voice after a while of thinking and when she opens her eyes again, she doesn't look at me. She straightens her posture and she's back to her lanky self again. But she grabs my hand before we continue this never ending walk towards the conference.

"I need coffee." She notifies.

"I can do that." I say, like my hope had returned and I'm feeling useful at last.

"Yes. Better than anyone else of my collaborators." She compliments with a smile, making me feel confident.

I am blushing, but I'm brave enough to smile up at her with my teeth, which causes her to look down at me tenderly.

She made me too full of myself. She shouldn't have said that.

She shouldn't look at me like that either. It gave me tingles.

"So… Are you hetero or not?" I ask her.

We have to make a sudden stop again.


	3. I snoop respectfully

_[The name of my **OC** is **Lydia Romanoff** and is made up by me.]_

* * *

 _[Allow me to dedicate this chapter to Jacqueline K.O. My role model and icon of many.]_

* * *

I was all alone in Integra's office.

I had permission, and the big door was safely closed behind me.

 _"This meeting will be time-consuming and mind-numbing to say the least. I will not let you endure that Lydia. Go play somewhere else but don't leave the manor. Stay close._ "

She had said to me about an hour ago.

I take her words as a token of my allowance to enter her office.

I basically walked in here every day to serve her when she actually was inside so I saw no reason to not consume time here just because she wasn't present.

 _"Stay close."_

What could be closer to Integra than being in her very own office where she lived every single day of her life? Kind of.

When I had convinced myself that I was doing nothing wrong, I did the one thing that many people would wide their eyes or frown at.

I snooped.

I snooped respectfully.

I tried to keep the sign: **Look but please don't touch.** in my head while walking around the big room. Not that it was difficult to stay to that unwritten rule… The room was vast and banal and there wasn't much to look at other than a few landscape paintings in oil and bookshelves with religious, political and ethnical themed books.

The most personal thing I could find in here was her set of expensive cigars over where her master desk stood in the centre of the room. And I knew they were there without even looking at them. They've always been there.

But then I see an old record player on a little table next to a reading area and I can't help but smile curiously. We all knew Integra were a bit old-fashioned with her cigars and her fashion sense but not _this_ old-fashioned.

It took me a while to understand how the machine worked. I almost jumped in fear when it crackled after I moved the little needle to a record that already were put in and already had began spinning.

It was silent like an empty church.

Did I break something?

My heart stood still for a long time, but then music started to play.

It was like entering one of Integra's worlds. It was bizarre and magical at the same time.

I couldn't help but wonder if Integra actually listened to this, intentionally and by herself when she was or wasn't working. Was this what she was doing on her freetime?

The song was so timeworn. A man started to sing so slowly that it sounded like he was telling you a story. It reminded me of a lullaby, or an old Disney song from the golden ages

 _Each evening from December to December…_

 _Before you drift to sleep upon your cot…_

 _Think back on all the tales that you remember… of Camelot_

Okay. This was… odd. Different. Ancient.

I backed away from the record player, not knowing what more to expect out of this, almost as if I had activated a bomb.

 _Ask every person if he's heard the story…_

 _And tell it strong and clear if he has not…_

 _That once there was a fleeting wisp of glory… Called Camelot._

Without turning it off I began walking slowly across the floor, while listening curiously and with alert ears.

It was actually beautiful. In a way. It sounded both sad and gleeful at the same time. It brought me a feeling of home.

 _Camelot! Camelot!_

 _I know it gives a person pause…_

A choir began to sing and I could no longer feel as judgemental and mischievous as I once felt hearing this at first. In the middle of the choir's of _Camelots_ I found myself walking towards the back of Integra's desk and I sat down in the big chair without moving a muscle in my face. Meanwhile feeling emptied of feelings. Yes, I feel drained of emotion. Good as bad.

Was it the feeling of happiness? Security? Freedom? I don't know.

After having made myself comfortable in the chair, I tried to open up the drawers underneath the desk. All was locked except the one who were nearest me and highest up, and all it contained was even more packages of cigars; but unopened, still in their plastic, mixed together with empty packages and discarded half-smoked cigars that rolled around on the floor of the drawer. The inside of the drawer was like Integra herself; one side was chaotic and one was as tidy as it could ever be.

 _Don't let it be forgot_

 _That once there was a spot_

 _For one brief shining moment_

 _That was known as Camelot_

The song ended dramatically and epically like the grand finale of a glamorous musical number. And then the entire room fell deadly silent.

I was waiting for another song to start, but it never came. I was both disappointed and grateful for that. I think I've heard enough for today. The inside of Integra's mind was both topsy-turvy and dreamlike after all.

I close the drawer then and put my elbows on her desk. I don't know if it was our ridiculous difference in height, but the chair was lower than I had expected it to be. She always looked so grand and mighty sitting here, Integra. I wonder what I looked right now.

This seemed to be a quite comfortable position to fall asleep. But before my eyes actually closed to try it out, the door opens without warning.

Sleepiness gone, and I burst up sitting straight in the chair like I was back in school and the teacher walked into the classroom.

But this wasn't a teacher. It was my boss. My fuss-partner. My leader. My love. Integra.

When she sees me sitting by her desk, she closes the door after her. I'm just about to move away but she protest with a raised hand.

"Oh, do sit down." Is all she says, and I do.

She walks over to one of the bookshelf and begin pulling out a few books from the shelves, piling them on top of a small table next to it carelessly while muttering "silly little communists" something under her breath.

"Is everything in order?" I ask her over the room.

"Indeed. I am keeping conversations with unreasonable lunatics so everything is just as it should be." She tells me in her usual strict voice without sounding too mean.

When she's done with piling the books she wanted, she leaves them on the table and approach me.

"You can bring those to the conference room before tomorrow morning." She orders, reminding me than I was at work and I nod at her without saying anything else.

When she's near the desk, my hand reach out to the package with cigars and I hands it over to her by letting it slide on the surface of the wood until they're just about in front of her where my hand darts away from it.

I had pretended that the package was a toy car. It was not as fun as I thought it would be. Playtime's over.

Integra looks a bit startled, but she picks up the container and pulls out a freshly new cigar. When we make eye contact, she smirks at me.

"Where have you been lurking?" She asks me with the stick in her mouth, lightning it after putting the rest of them inside her inner pocket, by her heart.

"Here." I answer shortly. I tilt my head to the side, letting it rest on the back of the chair. I maintain eye contact with her.

"I've missed you. It's scary to be here all alone. I don't know how you manage every day."

Integra exhales the smoke she had gathered.

"You've missed me." Is all that she catches, and she rounds the desk to stand closely behind the chair. With the cigar in her mouth, she bends down to the side of my face.

"You can go higher." She says seductively, the spicy vanilla smell of the tobacco accosts my face.

"What?" I ask, but then something clicks and moves underneath my butt and the chair takes me higher in catapult speed and I found myself grasping onto the sides of her chair, and I let out a small scream that made Integra pull back in brisk, angelic laughter. She even must remove the cigar out from her mouth.

I was still holding onto the chair, like I was expecting something more to happen with it. I had the heart of a terrified hare.

"Oh, Lydia!" She cooed my name, after she recovered, in an adoring, almost apologetic manner and leans down and turns my head to the side. She captures my lips in a deep kiss, holding my face still. When she pulls away from the spontanious smooch, her eyes are filled with all sorts of different emotions.

"You won't sign up your boss for sexual harassment, will you, Lydia..." She says, but she sounded way too confident in her words so it was more of a joke than a question.

My cheeks are burning, out of embarrassment from the catapult chair and from her sudden affection. She had taken my breath away.

"One brief shining moment that was known as Camelot…" I mumbled.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I mean of course I won't."

* * *

 ** _Don't let it be forgot t_** ** _hat once there was a spot_**

 ** _For one brief shining moment t_** ** _hat was known as Camelot_**


	4. I don't live under a bridge

_[The name of my **OC** is **Lydia Romanoff** and is made up by me.]_

* * *

If I wanted to, I could have breakfast in the servant's hall at eight in the morning, whether I was sleeping over at the Hellsing manor or not.

This particular morning, I hadn't been staying the night so the first thing I did when I arrived at work was sneaking into the big staffroom that me and Walter shared. There were a few other staffrooms, but we had our very own because we were closer to Integra than the rest of the employees. We called it "servant's hall" because it sounded more fancy, and because it was, in fact a servant's hall and not a common staffroom. But we wanted the other's to believe it was just an ordinary staffroom. With benefits. Such as a la Carte.

"Good morning." Walter greeted me as soon as he saw me enter the dining room. He was polishing some boiled eggs with a cloth and putting them on a silver tray.

"Morning." I grinned at him, removing my outer clothing and sat down at the long table. My eyes stared at all the food. It looked like a minor hotel buffet breakfast.

"You better be hungry." Walter said with a satisfied smile. I nodded at him, but I wasn't sure if I was capable of eating it all up. I don't think anyone would be able to do that in one setting to be honest.

"There's a lot of food…" I acknowledged out loud, half-concerned. Walter hangs the cloth over one of the chairs and removed the pot lid from a saucepan with scrambled eggs.

"Well you are a growing lady, aren't you Lydia?" He managed to ask without sounding like a perverse old man.

My stomach growled in the right moment and I began stuffing my plate with everything that I appealed to me.

"I haven't been seeing you around the servant's hall lately. I assume that you must get along rather well with Sir Integra?" He asks me just after I had made my portion ready. I look up at him, not knowing what to say. It was embarrassing.

"Uhm." I start, but I'm quick to curse my lips as soon as I heard my own uncertain tone. I could not say something thoughtless to Walter, the head butler. I needed time to think about this.

Unfortunately, I've seemed to take too much time.

Walter smiles at me as if he knew something I didn't. His long slender arms are hidden behind his back as he stands there completely still in the same place with a straight back. It almost appeared that Walter did not only serve Integra, but me as well.

"You mustn't answer me, my lady. We all have chapters in our life we would rather keep unpublished." He says wisely, and I suddenly feel bad for not talking to him about this. It wasn't that much of a deal was it?

"I want to answer you, Walter. But I don't have anything clever to say yet. I suppose we have gotten a bit closer, me and her, or at least that's what I want to believe." I say carefully, grabbing the silver fork Walter handed out to me.

"Most of all, I don't want you to think I'm a fool." I admit, poking the tiny sausages. "Besides, Integra wouldn't want us to talk behind her back this way, especially not me."

"You don't have to worry." Walter says. I think of him as a father. "She's the head of this Organization, but I am her butler, so you're quite safe with me."

I didn't quite understand the meaning of that, but since it was Walter and not anyone else, I could live on without asking.

"If you're quite certain, Walter." I begin eating my breakfast and Walter begins polishing a set porcelain from across the room.

After I've finished my food, I wanted to play around with my phone but Walter got other plans and distracts me from spending dead time with his questions.

"Have I displeased you in some ways?" He asks, now standing on the other side of the table in front of me. I must look at him in genuine confusion and actually question him this time.

"Is that all you will eat?" He ask with the same gentle smile on his face.

 _How did he manage to make me feel so bad about myself all the time without even being crude?_

"I'm full." Is all I can say, while looking guiltily on everything that was left and untouched on the table.

"But are you satisfied with it?" He asked, and I nod immediately. "Of course."

"Then you can have some more." He says gaily and puts lots and lots of more porridge on my plate. I stare at him, amazed, not knowing if he was serious or not.

"That's quite enough Walter." I said nervously, but he kept putting more breakfast on my plate. I had to stand up and grab his wrist. I laughed, he still managed to pick varieties of food, my arm only following his lead.

"I won't eat all that." I said, and Walter stopped then and glared down at me, but he still allowed me to hold onto him. The ridiculously tall man was bending over the table from the other side.

"Are you suggestion that I shall feed you?" He asks, now armed with a big ladle with scrambled eggs and I shake my head in terror.

"No, Walter..." I say in fear without breaking eye contact. I release his wrist but he is quick to grab mine again and I let out a high pitched squeal.

Sometimes I wondered just how easily bored this adult must be, being bound to his services every day of the year. I could see now, that he had excessively much time on his hands to allow himself to be a part of this harmless bullying. It could be fun at times, but sometimes I got the feeling he was capable of greater things and would not hold anything back just to have a brief moment of entertainment.

I grabbed something on the table to arm myself with too. I didn't know what it was until I brought it out to play. It was a butter knife and I smirked in a victorious manner.

"I'll butter your suit!" I threaten. Walter smirked too then.

"I see you're made of sterner stuff." He flicks the ladle at my face and I get pieces of eggs splattered over my face.

Never being an all that tidy person, I laugh and scream as I flinched away from him with the butter knife to blindly defend myself with in a tight hold.

"I'm ONLY HUMAN, don't forget!" I yell at him.

"Humans natural instincts includes eating, and you will be better off consuming a healthy and hearty amount of food." Walter says calmly. I climb up onto my chair then to be in a fairer height while struggling to get free from his grip. Our battle is now taking place above the breakfast menu of today.

"Submit to me, my dear. It's useless to keep struggling. You won't leave the smallest stain on me." He says and dodge every attempt I make while standing on the same place on the ground.

"NO! I can still butter your suit!" I warn him. "You don't want to live under a bridge do you, Walter? Integra might fire you from that you know."

"I might what?"

Walter and I pause in our battle.

Well, this would definitely be a war painting worth looking at...

 _'Assistant vs butler in servant's hall before duties call. Artist unknown.'_

"You forget yourselves! Stop that silly nonsense before I put both of you out."

Integra watch us a few meters away, not looking the slightest bit amused. I was surprised she could have a straight face in all of this. I could tell even Walter had a hard time to ignore this hilarity while putting the ladle back where it belonged after releasing my wrist. He adjusted his hair with two gloved hands and stepped aside with a small, respectful bow.

"Pardon our manners, Sir Integra. We did not expect you down here at all." He apologizes.

"Do you always speak so carelessly when I am not around?" She asks, and I thought it was a bit harsh.

"Excuse me." I say, and her blue eyes look at me in a state of insult.

"We can speak however we like down here in the servant's hall. This is not your territory." I say as politely as I can.

"Ha." Integra exclaims. "Who has written this rule then?" She asks and cross her arms.

"The law says so. It's called freedom of speech."

"It's a wicked law – Now, get down from that bloody chair!" She ordered and I had almost forgotten that I was standing here all this time.

My eyes wander over to where Walter is standing and when I see that his attention is on me, I quickly point the buttered knife to him in one last threat and receives a side smile from him and a strident yell from Integra.

"LYDIA!"

Still worth it.

She doesn't say another word before I was back on the floor again and had put the knife back into the butter.

"You're both two grown-up adults. If you cannot behave like servants, at least be that." She tells us.

"Of course Sir Integra." Walter says. I just nod seriously. I see a piece of egg dropping in front of my face from my head and I snort a laugh. Integra stares me down for another time before giving her full attention to Walter. I hope he saw it too and thought it was funny.

"The communication is not working the way it should, explaining my sudden visit. Leave whatever you're doing and get it fixed." She orders and he bows another time.

"Thank you for the food." I say shyly before he is gone.

This is the first time that I'm alone with Integra in the servant's hall, and my shift hadn't even started yet.

In the oddest of ways, that small fact calmed my nerves a bit. I wasn't working for her right now so I had the complete freedom to be myself. I didn't have to listen to any of her orders, not that I would ever refuse them, but this kind of thinking seemed to help me right now.

I expected her to say something. No. She was more likely to scream, but only another sharp glare was enough to let me know that she was still unhappy with me.

I clear my throat. I suppose I was the responsible in all of this, so I approached her instead of having her walking over to me. I stand in front of her with one meter in-between us. I look up at her, biting my lip. most likely blushing like a ripen peach.

"Do you find me very ridiculous, Sir Integra?" I ask her, to which she turn her head to the side. "What brought this on?" She ask me back, but she must've realized that sarcasm didn't lead anywhere in this situation and let out a sigh.

"A good servant at all times retains a sense of dignity and pride in their chosen labour, that also is a reflection of the dignity and pride in the person they serve, in this case-" She explains with a soft pause, removing a piece of egg stuck in my hair and looked at it in her gloved fingers. "Me."

"You're sailing perilously close to the wind, dearest Lydia. I secure your future by giving you this position every day, remember that."

I feel my heart sink, and those dreadful thoughts about future and adulthood began to torment my brain.

 _Future, what future?_

"You're right Integra." I tell her sadly after she had discarded the egg to the side.

"Look at me, I'm such a mess." I laugh, brushing off another piece of food from my shoulder.

"But you've always been so generous to me in so many ways, and this is how I thank you... I got my opinions, same as anybody but I'm too stubborn and unwilling to silent them, for good or ill. I will try to won't be more annoyance to you. But right now, it appears that I'm in the grip of madness. "

"No more of that please. There's no need to be quite so melodramatic." Integra said and both of her hands reach up to clear my hair out of eggs.

"Honestly, I believe Walter behaved one bit more childish than you did. Look what he did to you; giving you attention that you can leave without. He, himself was spotless." She complained.

"I was close to butter his suit though." I smirked.

"Yes, I overheard that." She muttered and I looked up at her curiously.

"Would you've been mad at him if I did butter his suit?" I ask. I feel one of her hands smack the top of my head carefully.

"Naughty." She says with a quick, critical glance down at my face.

"I'm your boss. Don't make me raise you as well. I already got my hands full."

I wanted to ask her 'of eggs or of hair' but I changed my mind in the least. I don't need to make any riddles; I wasn't a troll living underneath a bridge. I should realize this more often and don't tempt the devil.


	5. I can't sing

_[The name of my **OC** is **Lydia Romanoff** and is made up by me.]_

* * *

To understand Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing was somewhat like an art. Because it was impossible to figure out what to say and what to do in mission of creating a normal smile on her face. Sometimes I was able to amuse her and I could live for days whenever that happened, but most of the time I pressed the completely opposite buttons that turned me into the person she was most annoyed with in the entire universe.

Well today was a new shining day, a beautiful sunny day in fact, full of hope and opportunity and I had nothing to lose.

I knock on the door three times before I enter, and when I do, my intentions nor my risky optimism and happy mood cannot be stopped.

As soon as I see her sitting there, I sneak through the doorway, making a dramatic entrance with a mile wide smile on my face, minding my posture of course.

Ladies and gentlemen, I was about to try out something new. And perhaps mad.

"Speak, and the world is full of singing and I am winging higher than the birds." I sing, dancing gallantly to the middle of the office where my full body was exposed in front of her desk. I reach out my arms. "Touch, and my heart begins to crumble! THE HEAVEN'S TUMBLE DARLING AND I'M-"

"Pipe down that offensive noise and give me that letter that I can see in your hand." She interrupts casually and my spine turns into a noodle and my grin turns awkward and crooked. It was worth a try.

I walk foolishly up to her and give her the envelope. She grabs it and looks up at me at the same time.

"You seem to be in a good mood." She notice, perhaps like it was a bad thing. But then she smiles.

"Tell me, was that supposed to butter me up?" She asks, and I see the smile only growing.

I almost gape.

"Did it work?" I ask hopefully.

"No." She answers and rips up the envelope with a letter knife, something she must've done so many times in comparison with the average human being.

"Didn't you find my singing beautiful?" I ask, actually feeling quite disappointed in both her, and myself. That took a lot of nerve, she could at least give me some credit for that.

"Oh my dear, I am certain you have plenty on beautiful qualities. Unfortunately, singing an advanced musical number from 'My Fair Lady' is not one of them." Her eyes doesn't leave her matters. It was like she was reading out the letter for me. She sounded like a busy mom reading a romance novel.

I was the selfish, attention-thirsty and disrespectful child.

"So you'd rather have me walk in here like Walter then? Do excuse me, Sir Integra." I say and snatch the letter from her hands hesitant but quick motion. She's too startled to give away a reaction. I begin walking back to the entrance, and I only look back once just to make sure that my boss hadn't exploded from fury. But to my own surprise, I even reach the door without hearing her shout after me, not even once.

I walk out and close the door. I knock three again and I enter, once again minding my posture.

I am not smiling.

"Sir Integra. I believe a letter has arrived for you." I say in the deepest voice I can master. "But I do believe it has miraculously opened by itself. How terribly odd."

"Lydia stop making a spectacle of yourself. Come in, close the door and please let me finish reading my own letter." Integra says, but she is not as angry as I thought she would be. Maybe she actually was in a good mood then.

I close the door, and once again stand in front of her desk, giving her the letter back, this time without the envelope.

My eyes wander to the windows. The sun was still shining like a godsend outside.

"I know my work seem rather trivial to you."

I look at her after hearing those words from her after a moment.

"What makes you believe that?" I ask her and think about it at the same time. "Don't think my childishness is because I don't respect your job Integra. It has more to do with you actually. I want to make you happy, that is all. I know this organization would fall apart without you."

"Stop flannelling and looking sparkly eyed. That's not what I meant silly girl." She says, putting the letter and the envelope aside. Whatever was written on that paper wasn't an important matter.

"I was referring to yourself and your duties."

"Oh, but I'm fine." I said with a carefree laugh.

Integra looks at me for a little while. Her fingers are clasped underneath her chin.

"So I take it you never get bored?"

"Well that's working in a big mansion with an available clean bed every night and delicious food." I tell her with a smile that she's fast to reflect.

"Well if that's the case, then I don't have to worry about you leaving service any time soon." She says, opening up one of her drawers to get the post out of sight.

"I hope I'm not a disappointment." I suddenly blurt out, making her beautiful head pop up. She closes the drawer slowly without breaking eye contact.

"Certainly not." She says, looking a bit confused at her own answer. Her pretty eyes look around the room suddenly, like she saw a bird flying around in it. Then she looks down at her desk. "Certainly not." She repeats, more confidently and look into my eyes again.

"That's kind of you, sir." I say.

"Nonsense, I enjoy it." She smiles.

"Thanks, ever so."

"Besides..." She says in a more professional tone and unclasp her fingers from each other. "Sometimes we need to endure a little pain in order to achieve satisfaction."

I can't help but laugh in brief embarrassment at her words.

"You're making me sound very painful." I tell her, slowly walking up to her side, my fingers holding onto the edge of the desk whilst doing so.

"Irritating more than painful." She muttered with a sigh and leans back in the chair. She turns her head to my side.

"Today will not be a busy day." She informs and reaches out her hand towards me. Uncertain what to do, I grab it and she begins caressing it with her smooth white glove. She's looking down at our hands in world-weariness.

"I shouldn't keep putting you on the spot like that. It is unkind." She mumbles.

"Nonsense, I enjoy it." I say and she laughs, being aware that I repeated her own previous words.

When her eyes look up at me, I swallow and lean down towards her face.

"May I..." I say, but I peck her cheek nonetheless and stay close. My nose is nudging her cheekbone this entire time. Her skin is flawless and smells like soap and vanilla. She lets my hand go and let hers wander up along my arm and towards the side of my face where her palm rest. Only then, she pulls away to look at me. Questioning me perhaps.

"Would you kindly explain what in Heaven is going on?" She asks me kindly without confronting me. But I was quite certain that she did not refer to the kiss I had given her. She was refering to everything before that, and right now. Everything that had happened in our delicate relationship.

I see her brows turn upwards in unease. Her thumb gives a soft stroke over my cheek before she push me away gently and stands up.

"We forget ourselves. We must be mad Lydia." She says in disbelief with a frown and a shake of her head; her long blonde hair swings from her scalp like loose tree branches in a violent wind that can not decide its course. Her glove shielded hands holds her up on her long arms that support themselves against the desk. It was like she would fall over without it.

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.

Somewhere, I was feeling just like her, confused, lost. Even a little bit afraid.

But now, I could only manage a little chuckle.

It was easier to laugh at it than to even think about it. It felt less official, less serious, like a joke.

That must be it. It was a joke. But it was not really that fun.

It was a horrible, horrible joke.

"We're in the grip of madness." I say and she nods, still frowning distantly.

"Yes. Yes, we are." She almost whispers.

She turns her head to me once again to examine me, like she was asking me for help and directives.

"This can't continue on. You understand this, do you Lydia?" She asks, and I agree sadly with a nod, always knowing somewhere that it couldn't. Never expecting it to continue in the long run. It wasn't forever.

"Maybe I should-" I started, considering leaving, but I couldn't leave her in this state and I wasn't sure if I wanted to either, or if she wanted to.

I get an idea then.

"Integra." I smile at her and she looks at me expectantly, almost to the point of desperation. Poor darling.

"You know what they say: 'Sweet tea is the thing for frayed nerves.'" I quote, and make a little happy dance in the same please.

Her hands leave the desk then and her anxious face turn serious. She had every right to. I should be serious in this as well.

I let out an exhausted sigh. This was not easy for any of us.

"I'm sorry if I, you know... I shouldn't have... I just assumed that you... I won't be any more annoyance to you." I said and turned away, but she grabbed my hand, the same hand she had held earlier and pulls me back to her, closer.

"You mistook nothing. I'd rather have you walk in here like Lydia."

Her other hand turns my chin up firmly and she leans down and kiss my lips severely, both of her hands now holding my head still. She only allows me to turn my head sideways so that she got more access to my mouth.

There we both stand closely together behind her desk, both as confused and mad on this sunny day, more than willing to continue whatever we were doing that was making our heavens tumble. Until our hearts begins to crumble again.


	6. I run like an antelope

_[The name of my **OC** is **Lydia Romanoff** and is made up by me.]_

* * *

I hate this kind of things. I wouldn't hear the end of it.

"I must apologize to you again. I hope this will not cause you any trouble." The bus driver said to me before opening up the doors for me. The poor man had the bus broken down in the middle of nowhere and had to fix it for more than an hour, making me late for work and his face blown up and red of dissatisfaction and guilty shame. It wasn't his fault. I didn't have the heart to hold a grudge. We both just happened to have a long day of hard work ahead of us.

"No, not at all. Have a good day." I smile painfully and lie straight to his ashamed face before stepping off the bus onto the sidewalk.

I didn't dare to think about what would happen to me when I arrive late on a Monday morning; the first day of the week. To make matters worse I hadn't even changed into my service clothing. I was more likely to go to the super market then to serve the Goddess of a holy organization.

My scheme had already started to play out and I've missed all the preparations for the week that I would've gone through with Walter. I've missed cleaning up the service hall. I've missed the sorting in the little post office. I missed giving Integra her morning coffee. If I was lucky I might me in time for her tea before lunch.

Oh dear. The list of conference guests should be submitted as well.

After gotten let in through the gate by security, I start running on the pavement the entire long distance towards the other entrance, like that would make me less late and cause me less trouble. And I was already out of breath; and I realized that my fitness was laughable.

It was hard to know how I managed to walk this distance every day without collapsing or having a seizure.

The entrance is getting nearer and nearer, mocking me this entire time from its distance.

At last. When I'm about to take the first step on the set of stone stairs, I start planning excuses for Sir Integra which shouldn't be too far-fetched and straight out silly.

"What kind of appalling monster is after you?" The wind howls after me and I hear myself gasp.

I halt, surprised out of my skin with my heart in my throat. But of course it wasn't the wind.

"You made me jump!" I answered her familiar voice in surprise.

I put a hand on my chest that was beating roughly from the run, after having turned to my right and seeing Integra standing next to Walter on the side of the footway, prim and fully dressed in her clothing.

"And I'm very late." I tell her shamefully after having walked up to them.

"Yes that's rather unlike you." Integra says, tilting her head slightly. She didn't sound upset, but she didn't sound very pleased either.

"Your words will be heard in the strictest confidence." She says to me sharply.

"Y-yes. " I say, still out of breath from the run.

"The bus broke down and I didn't know where to call." I said, and looked back at the gate where I had been running from.

"Hear, hear." She says to Walter who was clever enough to not say anything at all about this matter.

"Well thank your lucky star that you arrived just in time for a visit into town. I have a meeting to attend and I thought a change of air wouldn't do us any harm."

 _ **Wait what.**_

After finally arriving to my second home, I didn't feel like going anywhere. In fact, I had my intentions of staying here all week just to avoid becoming late again. Maybe I should move in all together so that I would never repeat this hotchpotch ever again in my life. I didn't need such thing as a change of air. This air was just fine. Any air was fine after losing it in this disgraceful way.

"I don't suppose you'd take your mere servant with you?" I ask in an excuse to stay, but I also spoke my mind.

What was I good for? I would most likely just embarrass her. Walter was enough company for her on this trip.

Integra looks mildly shocked at my words.

"I mean it's kind, but, alas, not today." I grin, shrugging my shoulders like there was nothing that could be helped.

"Why not? It's arranged now and you're a good lady and a decent employee. You should be grateful for this opportunity. In fact I think you should've found it necessary to ask my permission to attend." She says in such a big-headed way that it was impossible to argue with.

"And for what use might a mere servant be in an empty house?"

I can't help myself. I simply must let out a big groan. The thought of having to go all the way back to the gate after having hurried here for nothing was too much for me. Integra ignore my complaining completely.

"You ran like a petrified antelope all the way here so you can jolly well come with us." She scolded and started to walk with Walter towards the exit.

I gathered my lungs full with a portion of air before I used the little energy I had to walk next to them, forced and unhappy like a child leaving an amusement park.

Integra was sporting a big black trench coat that flew behind her as if she was Sherlock Holmes and would work for me as a tent. I felt a bit foolish walking beside the two of them. It was like walking next to two giraffes, which was ironically suitable sense I was the antelope in this mess.

So help me God. The travelling Zoo is on their way.

Walter glances down at me.

"Life can be terribly unfair, can't it?" He asks me with a smug smile.

I look at him for a long time without stopping, almost tripping over my own feet just to show him my fed up face.

"Terribly." I snarl at him.

"Don't be so nasty, Lydia, it doesn't suit you." Integra scolded me another time when we almost had reached the gate. I gape at her, feeling betrayed.

"Well _he_ started it, didn't you hear him?" I ask, pointing my finger at the butler who looks way too flawless and professional for his own good.

"Walter, you behave too."

* * *

We take our seats in the limousine that was waiting for us, and Walter open up the door for us and Integra waits for me to step in first. It felt like a trap, like she was sending me away to Africa.

"Well be off with you." She waves her hand at me, like a farmer would expect a goat to get into the pasture by itself. This goat missed horns but at least she obeyed her master and walked bitterly in to where I ought to be.

I took my seat as far in as I could and was already looking sulkily out of the window and the vehicle hadn't even started yet.

Don't get me wrong. I would love to adventure with Integra. Just today wasn't the right day for me. It's one of those days when you just want to stay home and drown in your own business. When I hear the door shut, I know it's game over for me.

Now I just had to go through with all of this whether I liked it or not.

"My Goodness." Integra proclaim and I must turn to look at her if only for a few seconds then. Her striking blue eyes are looking down at my feet and up to my face.

"What's happened to your assigned uniform?" She asks, looking bothered. I glare at her in disbelief.

"Are you seriously asking me this now?" I ask her gruffly.

 _Great, and here I was finally getting used to dealing with this trip and she's still putting me in the wrong!_

"Don't shout." Integra says in her defence, looking insulted.

"I knew you wouldn't approve." She brags and complain at the same time.

"Which, presumably is why you hid your plans from me." I muttered.

"You would've known if you arrived in time. You could've at least respected your dress code."

The car drives off and Integra lets out a sight.

"Well it can't be bothered now." She sounds exhausted, examining my body another time.

"At least you look decently proper..." She says, grumbling.

 _Had she always been this judgemental? Should we visit a king or something?_

When she reach up her gloved hand to tuck some loose hairs strands behind my ear and fix the collar of my jacket, my first instinct is to flinch away but I can't bring myself to it. She was being so gentle with me and she was wearing black gloves today for a delighted change.

I knew she was only meaning well.

"You sit like a tipsy American on a sidewalk. Close your legs, you're a lady, aren't you?"

I cross my legs and look out the window again, even more bitter than I was before.

"Well who knows..." She speaks again, and her voice is so distracting and lovely that I must turn my attention back at her again, even if I'm frowning at her previous words and she wasn't minding me with her glance anymore.

She was looking out her own window now.

"Perhaps I'll shine by comparison." She says and I agree with myself that those words must be the most brainless words Integra has ever said in my presence.

She was always shining next to me.

I had no shine at all, always one step behind her with my soul on high alert, melting into her shadow.

Nevertheless, I was completely fine with that.

* * *

While Walter was discussing with the chauffeur about the parking of he limo, I had gotten better along with what this day would be about. Perhaps even a bit curious. I looked at Integra who was leaning back into the seat like she would fall asleep any time soon.

"What's this meeting about?" I ask her softly. I was almost ashamed of my own mood swing. I had been so grumpy earlier.

Integra answer me fast, like she had expecting this question the entire day.

"We are about to meet Mrs. Lottie Hillker who is the minister at the foreign charity office. I believe she has dealings with Ambassadors around Europe who would like to collaborate with us."

She had said _us_ and it got my heart flapping.

"Oh, I see." I say, still not really understanding what this was all about, but I still felt safe and more positive than before.

"You better be prepared. If there's one thing I hate it is an atmosphere and we've got a real atmosphere going now..." She warned. Before I could ask what she meant, the door opened and we had to step out now.

This way my first time walking next to Integra in public and I'm not lying if I say that I felt more savage and protected than what I ever had done in my life. Still, my heart was not being merciful. From what Integra had said in the limo, this didn't seem like the harmless adventurous trip I had imagined in my head.

We walk into a big building that reminded me of facilities where Art exhibitions where hold, and I find myself being more of a tail to my boss than what I usually where.

I had no idea what was going on, but in the midst of life we are in death and whatever was about to happen didn't seem fun at all.

 _"Remember, you are here to watch, not to participate."_ She whispered in my ear before we faced what we came here for.

It all starts with a small, round woman in her forty's that is noticeably short. I'm not exaggerating when I say that she's half the height of Integra. She wears her hair in a pixie cut, not being shy to show off her already greyening hair.

She smiles up at Integra in a commercial way that seemed false and prepared, like she had practised it in front of the mirror.

"At last." She says.

 _Well hello to you too._

"Miss Integra, how nice to see you again." She grins like a tv-profile.

"Pleasure is _ours_ , Miss Hillker." She says, and then this 'Miss Hillker' notices me with the same wide-awake blue eyes and her stiff smile.

"A servant?" She asked in confusion, almost as if she was talking with her teeth. I wonder if her face was stuck like that.

"How nice." She repeat, and then her mouth close to a normal mouth.

I didn't like the woman's eyes. I know Integra had her way of staring into your soul, but this was on an entire different level. It made my skin crawl.

"How nice. Interesting... _worrying_." She says, adding the latest word more carefully like she only wanted me to hear it. She looks at my outfit like it was molested with rotten tomatoes.

I frown at her.

 _What the hell was that about?_

One glance up and down, and she had decided from that moment that she hated me. Or ordinary people with ordinary clothes.

She looks back at Integra, the toothy smile back on in the blink of an eye.

"Shall we proceed?" She asks.

She didn't even bother to ask me of my name.

So help me God.

* * *

I was having tea I dreaded Integra wouldn't get this forenoon together with a dwarf of a woman who hated me.

Sipping my tea bitterly, I now believed in hate at first sight.

This was worse than I would ever have imagined and I just wanted to return to the manor as soon as possibly, dress myself up in my fancy tailor made uniform and get a pat on the head for my toleration.

Even her voice annoyed me to no end.

"What about your servant then?" Miss Hillker suddenly asks and my head pop up. That was me, wasn't it?

She was speaking to Integra like I wasn't even sitting on her side. But we both sat straight in front of her and she couldn't be blind with those alert, examining and awful eyes.

I look up at Integra. She hadn't touched her tea at all and was sitting with her back straight against the backrest. She hadn't removed her trench coat either, like she would be ready to leave any time soon.

"What about her?" She asks her back politely. She sounded very confident and was even smiling at the mention of me in this atmosphere of doom. I think I stopped breathing. She wasn't the slightest bothered with me. I could slurp my tea in front of this strange woman for all she cared. That's what I hope at least.

"Oh, there's _nothing_ about her." Miss Hillker laughs and I knew it was more to those words. She still didn't sacrifice a glance at me.

"I just found it fascinating that you let a mere servant appear with you in public, yet again in a state of undress."

Agony. Agony. Agony.

"I beg your pardon?" Integra ask her, still as gentle as a lamb.

"I hope you're not suggesting me to wrap her in ruffles, silk and feathers; She's not a doll." She says. And I feel like crying, for good or ill.

Miss Hillker scoffs.

"I'd like to see that happen." She says while dipping another biscuit in her tea. I've counted them. Six now.

"I suppose it's easy to be generous when you got nothing to lose, but I'm not a vain woman and we're fine as we are thank you." Integra says, also paying attention to Miss Hillker's appetite for sweet things.

"If that's what you believe then I ought to say that you should feel grateful that this exhibition is a private one. No one would suspect the fair woman of Hellsing to be here of all places." She looks up to meet Integra's gaze.

"That's _'what the eye can't see, the heart won't grieve over'_ for you, Miss Integra." She says with her silly little quote and takes a sip of her tea after devouring the biscuit.

Integra is completely unmoved by Miss Hillker's speech. Her hands are resting in her lap. I moved my tea cup away too. I wanted to help her with this secret protest against this toad.

"Where is your handsome butler lurking?" She asks in sly disappointment after placing down her cup.

"Walter?" My question blurts out in a dumbfounded laugh and Miss Hillker's eyes shot me. Integra looks down at her black gloves in granted aloofness, but I don't think I embarrassed her.

"You're not very fastidious about behaving properly, are you?" She asks me passive aggressively through her teeth.

I look down at my lap too then.

I wish I could speak with Integra through telepathy right now. Then I would ask her what on earth we were doing and why we were we tolerating this gobbledygook. Our purpose is executing bloodthirsty monsters and we can't even talk back to this little porcupine?

"That is _"Mister Walter"_ for you, you poor girl." She says to me, and I look up at her in annoyance. I don't even think Walter himself would agree to be called that by me. I could get a pinch in my ear for it. That's why I couldn't take it anymore.

Integra must've noticed because she spoke up before I could.

"He's still dealing with the parking." Integra answers Miss Hillker's question shortly.

"Oh, silly!" She laughs at this information. "The people at this place are hopeless about those kinds of things. In a few years, this place will be doomed to fail." She complains and examines the biscuits on the silver tray that had been put out for us a while ago. It might be empty soon which was a shame because I was quite hungry but I was still protesting.

"Then I must say that you're very courageous to ask to meet me in a place with such appalling services."

 _Savage_.

Miss Hillker's hand snatch away from the biscuits in embarrassment after hearing those words from Sir Integra.

My boss Sir Integra.

My Sir Integra if I dare.

In the right moment, Walter arrived just in time for her comeback and we all can witness the redness spreading on her round cheeks up to her visible ears.

"Speak for yourself." She spat, her eyes mentioning towards me but remaining stuck on Integra who she was speaking too.

"I always thought your Organization might be approaching dissolution, as well. Although I did not know dissolution was already upon you Miss Integra." She says, and I could only be grateful that her glued-on smile had gotten off her face like sticker with dried glue.

"But I can help you." She suddenly said fondly, looking concerned. She even put out her chubby little hand on the table, like she wanted to make an commitment.

So help me God. No.

"You daren't!" I blurt out. Even though it felt like a huge thing to have said, Miss Hillker doesn't bother with me this time. She was only talking about me in third person.

"Putting it bluntly, I can't imagine what you must put up with, but I'm quite sure that your servant will have a smacked bottom if she's not being more careful. You must be really embarrassed."

 _I will have a smacked what?_

"Lydia." Integra says my name abruptly, giving me attention for the first time since we entered the building. She looks at me with ordering eyes.

"Would you mind leaving us alone for now?" She asks and I stand up gratefully.

"Walter, show her the way to the limousine please. I will join you in a moment, and I won't be long."

* * *

Walter had left me sitting alone inside the limousine on the parking lot with the chauffeur as my only company. He was smoking through the window of the driver seat and was unsocial, but I would still rather be with him for days than be with Miss Hillker for another minute.

After a while, Walter comes back, opening up the door to check on me.

"How are you my lady?"

"Bearing up."

"Sir Integra will return shortly for our ride back to the mansion." He says, and those words put so much weight off my shoulders that I release a sigh.

"What happened?" I ask curiously. "That was quite a brouhaha."

"Indeed it was." Walter agrees and looks at me as if he knew a secret he wanted to hold onto for as long as he could. But he sighs in defeat as my curious eyes won't budge.

"All I can say is that your Ladyship was not best pleased at having you, neither our organization being told off in public. She was looking daggers."

I tried to be modest with my grin but it was hard. I wish I was there to see it.

"What a wicked creature." I said, referring to Miss Hillker. Someone ought to be praying for her now.

Walter agreed with a nod, and lowered his voice. I moved closer to him so I could hear every word he was about to say.

"Better be prepared... I'm afraid Sir Integra will hit the roof when we return home to the manor."

"Better buckle up then... Mister Walter." I whispered back.

Now, that was worth a few smacks on the bottom.


	7. I make birds suicidal

_[The name of my_ _ **OC**_ _is_ _ **Lydia Romanoff**_ _and is made up by me.]_

* * *

Sir Integra leaps into the grand lounge of the mansion like it was on fire, the long blonde hair veiling behind her. She stops when she sees me unharmed, only for a little moment, before she walks up to me with firm steps.

"Goodness, what's happened?" She asks my petrified face when she's standing in front of me. I had my mouth covered with one of my hands and I point at the area below the big grand windows with the other.

Integra looked where I was pointing and then she lets out the biggest sigh I think I've ever heard leave her, followed by a very aggravated look towards me, like whatever had put me in this state was a huge disappointment to her.

"You cried out like a banshee over a bloody bird?" She asks me in disbelief. I look at her desperately.

"It's dead!" I half whispered and half yelled.

"I think I killed it." I say like I'm about to cry and Integra stares at me like I have two heads.

"I tried to make it fly out through the window it came in through but it chose the wrong one because I must've scared it." I say, raw memories of the bird committing unconscious suicide by crashing itself into the transparent glass in hopes of escaping replaying in my mind.

Integra looks speechless for a moment, like it was her first time dealing with a situation like this one. I think my condition bothered her more than the bird itself.

"Well it's a silly bird then." She says with a scoff. "Whoever would be frightened with you?" She asks, but I doesn't cheer me up as much as it might have would another time and day.

"Oh Integra, whatever shall I do now?" I ask her miserably.

"Don't be so down in the mouth. Just get rid of it." She tells me like it wasn't more to it than that.

"I can't do that." I refuse.

"I hope you're not expecting me to do it."

"Can you?" I beg her and she looks at me like I'm mad.

"I wouldn't touch that thing with a ten foot pole." She refuses on a higher level.

"You let it in here so it's just fair of you to let it out." Integra says and shot a glance at the bird, giving it a closer look.

"Oh. It's a magpie." She acknowledges in a gentler voice, almost optimistically but does not move a meter from where she's standing.

"Maybe Walter could do it?" I ask her hopefully and she agrees with a considering nod.

"Any port in the storm." She mutters.

I grab her arm thankfully and earn a serene glance down from her.

"Will you help me bury it later?" I ask her.

"Bury it? Gracious me!" She proclaims like it was the most stupid thing she had heard.

"Stranger things happen at sea." I defend, letting her arm go in disappointment.

"Well I'm not an octopus! I actually have more important things to do than burying some silly suicidal magpie."

I couldn't help myself and I couldn't care less about Integra or the funeral or even the cleaning up after the creature.

All I cared about was that it was dead.

Dead. Dead. Dead.

And it would never fly again.

I cover my face with both of my hands because a fountain of emotions leaped out of me unexpectedly and I began crying uncontrollably in front of my boss without holding a single tear back.

"Oh my poor darling." Integra said and did not hesitate to wrap her arms around me as soon as she realized this really had snapped off a string in me.

It actually was a serious matter in my smaller world.

"Walter!" Integra called after her butler, realizing this as well.

* * *

I didn't know what was the matter with me, really.

All of the sudden, I had been shaken up and excessively delicate to be able to continue on with my life as normal. However, I'd been allowed to take a break from my duties this day. I was currently resting on a bed inside one of the guest rooms, hugging a pillow to my chest as a token of my despair.

Was all of this because of a silly little bird?

There ought to be something other than that. I just hadn't felt useful for quite some time now, and I'd started doubting myself and my ability.

"What have I told you? To plump up the cushions you ought to drop them to the floor. Squeezing the life out of it like that won't do."

I feel a weight on the mattress behind me.

"Don't be so sarcastic. Not as soon as you're back." I say with a sniff. I could feel the scent of the cigar smoke.

"Neither irony or sarcasm is argument. You'll give yourself a heart attack if you won't ease up a bit."

I turn around on my back and there she is in all her glory, glancing down at this wretched person I had become.

"I hate to see you like this." She tells me forthrightly. "You must take care of yourself." She says like a natty grandmother would; her free hand pat the space in-between us instead of bothering to lean over all the way to where I'm at.

"Thank you for your trouble, Sir."

Integra looks bemused at my words.

"Trouble? You've been vanished ever since that winged creature dared to enter my house. Even after Walter sent it away."

"Poor thing."

"Never mind him. I think Walter found it all quite exciting."

"I was referring to the bird, not Walter. Would you like to tell me what he did with it?"

"Are you certain you want to know?" She asked, half-surprised.

"I'd rather know the worst than wonder..."

"He burnt it."

"Oh dear Lord." I look at the ceiling.

"Love is the beginning of knowledge, while the fire is the beginning of light. Is that how it goes?" I ask Integra who examines me carefully but not judgementally. Like a man of the cloth.

"Are you afraid I'm about to cry again?" I ask when she's silent for too long. She tips her cigar, so the ash drops to the floor.

"I come in peace. No need to be so straitlaced." She smiles musingly. "Seeing one of my employees down in the mouth is never something that I mind. Most of you are only humans after all. Of course it can be a bit bothersome, but you're a special cause so you can blub all you like."

"Then what about you, Integra? Tell me what's in your heart."

"Haven't you heard?" She asks with a smirk. "I don't have one. That's what I've heard some communists say."

"You do have a heart." I say in a comforting manner as I release the pillow and shuffles closer to her so that I'm sitting beside her. I was pouting at her, not wanting to believe those silly communists.

"Even vegetables have hearts."

"Are you saying I'm an artichoke?"

"I'm not very romantic, am I?" I snort a laugh.

"I should hope not." She says matter-of-factly.

"Sorry about that."

"I can think of worse insults." She watches me carefully. "Why do you work for me, Lydia?"

Her question sounded dumb and unfair, and I considered not answering it at all. Mostly since, I did not really have one right now.

"I don't know." I whisper.

"You don't know." She repeats in an insulted statement. All I can do is look at her bleakly. "No." I admit, shaking my head in all my glorified honesty.

"I don't know." I repeat. "Why did you hire me?" I ask her then and she look taken aback. Her eyes even widen a bit.

"I-" She begins, but it is as if she does not know where to begin, or do not know what to say in the big whole. She was just as confused as I was. It was almost laughable. Neither of us had any idea about why I was working here.

"I suspect I must've taken a shine to you; hard as it is for an English to say the words." She tells me indifferently.

I stare at her curiously.

"Oh, don't look at me like that. There must be some use for my heart; I don't believe it exists solely for the purpose of pumping blood." She says every word with venom but they don't cause me any form of torture at all.

A small, baffled frown appears on her face when I give her an intimate and mile-wide smile that I felt all the way up to my ears.

"Have I gone round the bend, or did you just admit that you fancy me?" I ask her, and she stares.

"Don't be careless, my girl. Or you'll end up with no job and a broken heart." Integra puts the cigar she had held untouched for a long time in her mouth.

After blowing out the portion of smoke, she stands up.

"But I do think very highly of you. You should know that you've been a tremendous help with the duties here. That's about the size of it."

"But you do fancy me?"

"Because I don't want you to lose your job, it must mean that I'm madly in love with you." She proclaims sarcastically.

I stand up from the bed and it makes Integra stare at me like beholding a corpse coming back to life.

"Let me come to your room tonight, please." I say boldly.

"Lydia, are you mad?"

"Yes."

Integra looks at me silently with her lips slightly parted. The cigar is held between her gloved fingers, burning up. Wasting away.

"I would not want to remember those words from you because I would hate having you leave service. Are you really sincere?" She asks me solemnly.

"I think so. I suppose. I don't know. Perhaps." I say, feeling less and less confident in this matter.

"What's lurking in your thoughts?" She asks me.

"Oh please don't make me say more! What do you think? Look at me; I've sulked all day for a dead bird, and it's not like I could seduce you into something either so don't be so prudent about it."

Integra turns her head to her side, glancing down at the floor and then straight into my eyes.

"You don't frighten me. It is you who should be more careful with your wishes." She says and her words created a tension in the air that was so strong that it somewhat felt like the earth had stopped moving.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I shall return to my office. It satisfies me to see that you're... bearing up."

I wouldn't miss it for the world. Integra stood there just as Integra would, but she was looking me straight in the eyes with a haughty smile on her lips, and she was blushing.

 _"It is death, and not what comes after death, that men are generally afraid of."_

 _\- Samuel Butler_


	8. I shouldn't curtsy

_[The name of my_ _ **OC**_ _is_ _ **Lydia Romanoff**_ _and is made up by me.]_

* * *

I wouldn't ask her anything unless I felt like the time was right, I decided then and there.

"Morning coffee and a pile of letters. They're unusually many today." I told her, putting down the tray for her in the big dining hall. The table was ridiculously long, but only Integra was sitting there.

"Thank you Lydia."

Time was now right.

"Integra." I say observantly with my free hands now fumbling a bit in front of me. When I don't say more and wait for her permission, she looks up at me.

"You've been looking very fidgety lately... I'll be patient and bear anything." She says and arches an eyebrow.

"I am going to insist that you tell me what it is, now, and I'll se what I can do."

"I saw a girl...-" I begin telling her carefully. "-in the lounge before I changed into uniform."

Integra looks away and picks up the first letter on top of the tray.

"We're taking on a new maid." She said casually and cut the envelope open.

"You should've talked to me first." I mumble, feeling surprised and betrayed.

"What's the matter about it? Did you see her pocketing the silver cutlery?"

"Nothing, and no I didn't. I was just curious that's all."

 _Leave it Lydia. Leave it now._

"She seemed to be around my age..."

Integra only glance up at me once before continuing with her business with the letters.

"Yes, I believe you're both born in the same year. I read her application."

Well that's me finished then.

Integra looks up at me after a minute of silence.

"Why do you seem anxious about this?" She asks, sounding bothered with me. My eyes dart towards her gaze.

"It takes more than a maid to make me anxious!"

Integra turns her head away from me and my shouting.

"I won't fight with you about this. But I'll be glad if you would be anxious. She's been working in the most wealthy households in Yorkshire and been employed in hotels all over Europe."

I started to wonder how I had gotten hired here in the first place. I should be grateful we didn't turn in our applications the same day. Then I wouldn't be standing her nagging, for sure.

"Well she was a sight for sore eyes." I admit, but I sound grumpy and false. But she truly was a pretty girl. The uniform clung to the right places on her thin body and her long blonde hair was tied in a hard ponytail on the top of her head. She was smiling the entire time, which is rare when you're new and nervous. And been all over Europe.

Integra put down her letters and look suspicious.

"I hardly know the girl, but I'm sure I'll like her when I do." She says unemotionally. "And sometimes the future needs terrible sacrifices." She obviously said that in a sarcastic way, yet I took them in seriously.

"You make it appear like this housemaid will save our lives, but I don't understand. You got plenty of employees already."

"Lydia, what is the matter with you?" She turns to me with a scowl.

"You out of everyone should know about the largeness of this house. Remember your first day when you were the one running around like a poultry to check if every corner was clean whilst soldiers came in and out like this was some cheap motel."

"I sure did but the idea of a new maid still sounds ridiculous to me."

"Well I dare to list a lot of the things you do sound ridiculous to other people."

"What if she steals the spoons?"

Integra stares in front of her like she had lost all fate in her own organization and leaned back slowly into the chair with a gloved hand against her frowning face.

"Which will be an endless list. Perhaps I have to take back my words, which you should know, I never do."

"Well... you should learn to forget what I say. I know I do." I told her, mumbling the last part bashfully.

"Could you at least show her around her decided duties? That is all I ask." Integra said from her seat, looking at me with expectant eyes.

"I assumed you were to busy to bother with it... But what about Walter?"

"I _am_ busy." She agreed. "And if you leave this mere task to Walter then you're one step closer to futile, and then-"

"Fine! Don't badger me..." I interrupted her, feeling ashamed of myself. She was more than right. I should be grateful for having something to do. With this work, I had way too much time on my hands.

"But if she steals something I'll be the first to let you know." I said with a mischievous smile.

I curtsy slightly before turning on my heel.

"One moment Lydia."

She wanted something else. I turned around to look at her.

"Don't think you're becoming mighty and imperious in your manner with the staff here. That's Walter's job; he wouldn't be glad at you if he found out so have some manners."

"Of course." I agree with her wishes again and was on my way off but she still wasn't finished with me this morning.

"Why do you curtsy?"

"It's polite." I said.

It sounded like a question.

I tried out a sweet smile and a curtsy another time.

"You look silly." She said bluntly, taking the first sip of her coffee.

"Wait till you see me show her around. I'm not good at these sort of things..." I admitted, beginning to feel nervous.

"Would you mind if I joined you?" She asks with a tender smile.

"Absolutely actually."

"Then don't be daft, and don't sound inhospitable little miss Romanoff."

I blushed at the use of my last name.

"I'll make her fancy me then, I promise."

* * *

She had brown eyes.

"Oh, hello?"

They were a great contrast to her hair.

"You must be the new housemaid" I said with a shy smile. I always found it awkward with first impressions. I caught her cleaning one of the windows in the small lounge. She had turned around to greet me with a confused but kind smile.

"Yes I'm sorry. I'm Anna."

Anna. Anna had said sorry to me for no reason at all. Just like something I'd do.

"Lydia Romanoff."

She looked oddly impressed by my name.

"Very nice." She says, shaking my hand. "Will you show me around a bit? This place is huge."

"Well that was my intention." I laughed, and she joined in.

Perhaps I had gotten myself a new best friend.

And huge was an understatement when it came to describe the Hellsing manor. It took me hours to give her the house tour. I showed Anna everything except the garden, the military supplies rooms, the private bedrooms and Integra's office. We talked and laughed together like a pair of schoolgirls walking through a museum and laughed at paintings and sculptures that we assumed were funny.

Before it's time for her to drive home, I offer her something to eat in the servant's hall. Then it feels terribly boring to say goodbye to her at the entrance.

Her shift was already over, but she was making herself work overtime by bothering with me for another hour, just to get to know me a bit better.

"It really was a pleasure." She says, grabbing my hand again in a handshake that this time lasted much longer than the first. I even received two pecks on either cheek and a hard hug before she thanked me again and left me standing alone at the front door a bit stunned. I suspected her to be from another culture, considering her abruptness in personal space. French, perhaps? Russian?

Yet, It was like it was difficult for her to release me, like she really adored me or that this was a farewell for good and that we would never meet again.

Well I was quite right about the last guess.

"Lydia, what do you think you're doing here. I believe your place is at the conference room."

Integra ordered, showing up out of nowhere.

It was like she'd been in here all the time, watching over me.

* * *

"Morning coffee, and only one letter to that." I smiled, placing the tray in front of her carefully. The manor felt more empty than usual. When I let go of the tray, I allow myself to slum down on a chair, a bit away from where she is sitting at the table.

"I'll sit with you for a moment if you don't mind." I say, feeling tired this morning.

"As long as you don't get on my wrong side." She mumbles, starting with the coffee this morning. The letter didn't seem to bother her.

I smile at her sleepily.

"Is there a right side?" I ask her playfully and she silence me with a stare behind the fancy porcelain. I clear my throat and adjust the vase with flowers on the table. "These are nice. Did Anna pick them out?" I ask, smiling even if that wasn't the case.

"Anna is no longer working for us." Integra reveals after putting down the cup on the tray.

What in Wonderland?

I stare at her.

"What? But why?" I ask her, feeling like this was way too soon for her to fire someone she just had hired.

"Well wouldn't you want to know..." She mumbles and lean against her bright white knuckles on her left hand.

"If you must know, I am unforgiving when it comes to pocketing the spoons."

"But there was no need to send her away after just one day." I tell my boss after her sarcastic answer, considering it as something sad and even cruel. I had a good time with Anna yesterday and I had looked forward to another day of work with her.

Integra's intense, blue eyes shot at me.

"There was a need." She strictly guarantees.

"But she didn't really take anything?" I ask, feeling like this was a bit unfair to do, even from someone like Integra.

"Well since yesterday afternoon I am certain that she didn't believe in the rights of property." She says in a self-aggrandizing way and even turn up her nose a little.

"I'm sorry if I'd led you down the garden path, but I won't be around the bush. She was a very willing worker, but wasn't quite there yet. I was foolish and I was paid out for my folly so I hope that we can all forget it now, for good and proper. No matter if she was a sight for your sore eyes."

I felt breathless.

"It's forgotten already Sir."

"Good."

Integra smiles.

"It means everything in our garden is rosy again then?" I ask her and glance over the pot of flowers again.

"As long as you avoid to curtsy."


	9. I forget the silver

_[The name of my_ _ **OC**_ _is_ _ **Lydia Romanoff**_ _and is made up by me.]_

* * *

You know that feeling when you're walking by yourself and you see a mysterious person further away coming from the other direction and you know that you're up against them and that they might skin you alive?

Yet, all you can do is continuing walking. Because you must pass them.

Luckily, and most likely, the person in front of you are just as suspicious of you as you are of them, and you only end up walking past each other in one breath of awkwardness and foolish relief.

I had to experience this after I left the conference room, armed with only a silver tray stuck in my armpit. But this time; my gut feeling was somewhat right because this person actually acknowledge me and I had every right to be suspicious of him.

The person was a stranger, a man, a soldier that I've never seen before. Yet, he looked at me as if we were long-known acquaintances. My eyes dart away when we are close enough to make eye contact and my heart stops the same moment he stops, and block my path.

"Lydia, right?" He asks me, and I nod and dare to look in his eyes.

"You're on your way from the conference room?"

He looks at the direction I was coming from, reminding me of why I had ended up here with the silver in the first place. I hope he didn't accuse me of being a thief...

"Yes, I forgot to bring this with me yesterday afternoon, after tea..." I told him and mentioned to the tray, as if he would even care about that.

"Since you're in service uniform, you don't happen to… attend Sir Integra, don't you? In addition to your other duties?" He asks, dark blue eyes examining my tailor made uniform in curiosity and unfamiliarity.

"I do, yes." I answer him, not in the mood to talk right now. I had forgotten the tray and was already late to meet her in her office.

"I understand, you must be very busy, but could we just, for a little moment…" The man touch my arm carefully then. It's an innocent touch but every fiber in my being are on guard when he moves us away from the center of the corridor and wish to speak to me more privately in a little nook. It felt open and safe so the thought of being able to flee from him made me more relaxed.

I could always beat his head with the tray if he tried something.

"I've seen you around a few times before, but for a quite long time now. I can tell Sir Integra is very fond of you if she has let to stay committed as her personal assistant." He says with a friendly smile.

I blink my eyes a few times. I didn't really know what to say.

"That's kind of you but-"

"You see…" He interrupt me and take a step closer to make me remain where I was. "Just like you, I'm anxious to serve her and make her happy."

I look at him warily.

"Of course, aren't we all?" I ask, but he only seemed to want his own words to come through. "AND to that end, I feel I need to know a great deal more about her than I do. Our working conditions are strange enough as they are, don't you think Lydia?"

I thought about dropping my last name to him, just to make myself look more important, but I didn't want to be silly. I was just a person like him after all, but I didn't like that he talked so casually to me, especially about Integra.

"Me, as well as the rest of the employees, barely see her since she's always in office. She's like a phenomenon. Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing… An angel trapped behind heaven's gates, but in control of everything."

Oh gag me.

It didn't take much for me to already consider beating him with the silver tray.

This poor man must think that he actually had a chance because he continued putting his hope in words. "And I hardly get the opportunity to be alone with her… It's sad isn't it?"

"Very…"

"Lydia." He almost shout, looking at me seriously. I back into the wall.

"I want you to report me of her actions. I'd like to know everything about her, hobbies, talents, interests. What kind of people she meets and where."

"I don't know if I could do this." I tell him dryly.

"I understand… It would be extra work for you…" He mumbles and I'm astonished by this man's foolishness.

He grabs my arm, almost looking at me desperately. "Although it would mean a considerable increase in salary. I'm a wealthy man, to let you know…"

My eyes widen at this.

"I do apologize." I say, moving out of his grasp. "I have work to do and the trick of business is to mind your own." I tell him and begin walking rapidly away from him.

When he's far enough behind me, I start running.

* * *

"Where have you been all day? You're very late you know. Have you planned to run away with the silver to sell?" She asks without looking up from her paperwork.

"As a matter of fact…" I begin, putting the tray on an empty spot on her large desk. Integra's eyes dart up and her gaze gambles between me and the silver. "What on earth is that doing here? It should be in the value storage." She said.

"I know but I had some... obstacles on my way and I thought I'd come here first. I was late enough as it is."

Integra leans back in her chair then and it lets out a little creak. She wears a concerned frown on her features. "You look as if you've got the cares on the world on your shoulders." She tells me and all I can do is nod in agreement to that, biting my lower lip.

"Well go on then." She says, sounding baffled and a bit dishonored.

"Perhaps it'll keep…" I suggest, not knowing how to put it out in reality. I didn't want to believe this had happened. Integra mustn't be bothered with this nonsense. I'm aware things always appeared larger in my life anyway.

"You're asking for trouble if you stay silent." She says then without moving from her current judgmental position.

"I had a request from this strange man who wanted me to check up on you. From the army, I think." I spilled the beans, feeling embarrassed for some reason. I watch Integra's reaction carefully, her beautiful blue eyes blinking a couple of times.

"He wanted you to spy on me?"

I nod.

"Well that lets me out thank heaven. You're not a spy master Lydia." She says and sits up properly, beginning to light up a cigar with a smirk. It was a bit odd and frightening how she seemed so amused and calm by all of this. If it was me, I would've contacted a lawyer, or called the police.

"But why was he looming around at the conference department if he's hired as a soldier?" She asked casually, holding the cigar stuck between her teeth.

"He must've been looking for you."

"Oh, so you say? How flattering..."

"Don't you care at all?" I ask her, a bit annoyed at how she let her men act like this behind her back. She put the lighter in her pocket and moves the cigar from her mouth.

"If he wants to fawn over me – that's he's affair. But I'm perfectly happy to carry on being friends with everyone."

Integra being friends with everyone. My elbow.

"You should've heard him; he sounded like some lovesick boy. He talked about you so haphazardly that I almost beat the silver tray to his head."

Integra let's out a short laugh.

"There's nothing to laugh at!" I told her. "He offered me a sum of money."

The grin on Integra's features disappears at that information.

"What did he call himself?"

"Uhm."

"That man might sneak into my bedchamber tonight if he's foolish enough to bribe you of my personal life and you didn't even think about asking his name?"

"Well now you care all of the sudden! But it's not all about money Integra."

"Everything is about money."

I stare at her.

"I'm sorry then. I was too busy trying to keep myself from beating him with your silver. Staying silent to his stupid words was challenging enough for me, so no, I did not care for his name." I tell her, feeling a bit dogged.

"Shall I go find him?" I ask her and she shake her head, once again looking more bored than aggravated.

"Perhaps you got a photo album or something? I could point him out for you."

"This isn't a middle school, Romanoff. Do you think I'm some kind of principle with a yearbook over all my children?" She asks and I let out a sigh. Integra's sarcasm could be so overwhelmingly annoying. I gave her a glare of mine before grabbing the tray.

"I'll go leave this where it should be. If I see him, allow me to use it." I said in a blunt voice.

"Admirable… But there's no need to leave it back so soon. You must be kept very busy."

"Funny, that's what he said too." I told her and walked back and forth in front on her desk with the tray dangling in my grip. "He said plenty of other things that I didn't like. He appeared to find you extremely interesting, like he wanted to know all of your secrets."

"Well I am not a very vain woman and I don't consider myself as an interesting person. But someone who finds me boring can never love me." She says and I look at her curiously.

"I will not disgrace my pride by discussing that subject." She almost shouts at me and I give her a strange look, unaffectedly continuing my pacing. I had made an invisible track that I followed after in a oval circle.

"I didn't say anything. Sir." I said, but I don't think I could deny how full of myself I got at the fact that I found Integra to be the most interesting human being to exist on this earth, which meant that I was fully capable of loving her.

"Lydia." Integra said, and I stopped right in front of her. "Yes."

"Are you certain that the man offered you money?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yes sir, he said something about an increase in salary." I said and Integra scoffed. "Well aren't I feeding you enough?" She said, taking a blow on her cigar. I shrug at her question and shake my head in my own confusion and disbelief.

"I would give him half of my salary just to keep him away from you."

"Did you ever consider his request?"

I hear myself gasp.

"Of course not!" I tell her with a scowl. "Have you ever gotten a silver tray slammed in your head?" I asked her back and she smirked at my hollow threat.

"Excellent news. I cannot begin to tell you what this means to me, Lydia." She says suddenly, finally sounding a bit grateful. It was about time.

"But don't make this incident worry you and don't mind him, he's a foolish man who's lost his way and can't find his way back."

"Offering pay for information about his boss' personal life was a very brave decision of him." I answered, cringing at the thought.

"Or a very stupid one. Curious thing, to think you'd be able to spy on me. Although I've let you dangerously close to me than I've ever let anyone else. I'm not saying you don't deserve it. You're very good to me Lydia."

"Another reason to hit him." I said, raising the tray in the air.

"Be careful with that, or half your salary will get snatched from you in a heartbeat."

"It will be worth ruining this if I can hit him."

Integra chuckles and stand up from her chair. "Hold your horses. Come with me. Let's walk off your anxieties."

"But what if we run into him?"

"Then he's no worse off then he already is. He's the author of his own misfortune."

I looked up at her as she walked around the desk and towered over me. She put a gentle but firm hand on my back as we exited her office together.

"We'll leave that tray in the storage and lock it up so you won't go berserk after that poor man." She said, taking the tray out of my hand in the blink of an eye.

"But you don't have to trouble yourself with it. At least let me carry it, just for now." I said, feeling awfully unoccupied.

"I'm not a fragile creature. I can carry a tray." She assures sternly without looking at me. "Then what I'm I good for?" I asked, flapping my arms like a bird.

"If you won't let me do anything for you then I will be ruined. You can't pay me for nothing."

"You were ruined already, my girl, so don't go overboard." She says in her own, heartless way of joking.

"Well at least I'm not 'an angel trapped behind heaven's gates in control of everything'..."

"If he told you that then I'll hunt him down myself."


	10. I don't take my time off

_[The name of my_ _ **OC**_ _is_ _ **Lydia Romanoff**_ _and is made up by me.]_

* * *

"Why are you in military uniform?" I asked in one breath as I chased her down the stairs inside the Hellsing manor. Integra wasn't running, yet I still had to jog in order to keep up with her long legs.

"You can go on and tell me why you're even here to begin with. If you'd read your e-mail, you'd know that today was your day off." She said in the speed.

"But why did you e-mail when I stayed the night? I've been here at the mansion this whole time!"

"Perhaps that's another problem; Hellsing is not a Hostel, Lydia." She said, only sacrificing a short glance at me from over her shoulder.

"Walter! Tell the chauffeur to pull up at the gate now. We don't have time to wait any longer." She ordered her butler who was waiting downstairs.

"Yes Sir Integra."

As we stepped on the ground floor, I finally managed to keep up with her hurried steps.

"We're we going?" I asked.

Integra halted in the middle of the entrance hall just to stare me down from her towering height after spinning around to face me.

"There are no _we_ in this Lydia. If I were you, I would return home and enjoy my day off." She told me like she thought I could teleport myself from one place to another in an instant whenever I chosed.

"But no buses are going." I told her and stared at her bluntly. My eyes couldn't help themselves as they every now and then made a curious scan of the uniform she was wearing underneath the large black trench coat.

"Stay here then." She said sternly. "Buff up cutlery, chase down mice – anything. But I will not allow you to come with me."

"But-"

"DO YOU HEAR ME?" She screams and I almost pass out.

All I can do is gape at her. I'm too stunned to even manage a nod. She was awfully savage today. It must be the uniform.

"Y-yes." I squeal with my arms behind my straight back. I even considered to salute her but I wasn't sure how to make it right, and I didn't want to make a serious mistake so I just stood still like a statue.

"When will you be back?" I ask her, finding my normal voice again. Integra turns her back on me.

"I'm afraid there's no answer to that. Feel free to stay and find out." Are her last words before leaving me alone in the entrance hall.

Challenge accepted.

* * *

I did not buff up cutlery, nor did I chase any mice. I was kind of just… existing in the large house. Like a security guard after midnight in a locked up museum, wandering around in solitude.

It's been hours sense Integra left in her military wear, and it was like she had left off to the front. She rarely wore her uniform, especially not in her average days she spent in the office. She only wore it whenever she was on a mission of some sort or would meet people from the military world. But this matter seemed serious and dangerous, and I slowly began to worry, even beginning to question if she would come back or not.

When the sun began to go down, I left all my worries and troubles behind and the only room I felt like could calm my nerves was Integra's bedroom.

So without a second thought, I sneaked into her chamber, stripped down to less heavy clothing and crawled underneath the large sheets in a tank top and stockings.

Because I knew this was the only room I would be able to fall asleep in.

* * *

I wake up like a farmer hearing the rooster call in the morning the moment I feel a warm body next to mine.

"Integra?" I mumble, familiar with the ridiculously long blonde hair.

"You're alive!" I proclaim in the dim room lighting.

"Of course I'm alive. You're not cuddling yourself into a corpse."

"Sorry, sir... I didn't realize..." I said and released her long arm that I had been embracing this entire time.

I was in the same bed with Integra. My boss. I didn't know if I had been longing for this or dreaded for this moment.

"Oh, you're reading…" I figured out after a little while when I had started to get back to consciousness. That's why she was awake. I blinked sleepily at the pages with tiny letters.

"I was until you began bothering me with your physical ornament." She said, yet turning another page nonchalantly.

"Sorry… I've always been the clingy bed monkey." I said sheepishly and looked at her shyly with my head next to her shoulder.

"I could leave if you want, but I'd rather stay with you to complement passed hours. Is that alright?" I asked.

"Only this once. But if you tell a soul I'll denounce you as a liar." She says with her eyes stuck in the book. She didn't look the slightest bit tired, even though the clock must've been past midnight.

"Integra… Why wouldn't you let me come with you?" I asked carefully.

"It was a military matter. I couldn't risk it." She said, just as I thought.

"That must be why you asked me stay home, wasn't it?" I ask in embarrassment.

"Exactly." She says, piercing me with her eyes.

"Perhaps I should've listened to you for once." I mumbled, looking down at the sheets. Integra close to book and put it away upside down in front of her.

Without saying anything, she pulls me closer, letting my head rest underneath her chin upon her chest. My hand is crossing over her thin built, holding her upper arm on the other side, and I feel her other arm sealed around my waist.

"Integra." I say, once again carefully. This moment was temporary and frail and I didn't want to ruin it. I wanted to make the best out of it, and get some answers whilst I'm at it.

"Doesn't this feel wrong to you?" I asked, fearing my own question.

"I don't believe in wrong." Her answer is quick, and her arm remains. "I believe in doing whatever I feel like doing and if something makes me hesitant, I'm sensible enough to make a sharp turn and not step into that unease." I glance up at her in admiration.

"I wish I could be like that too…" I said in a dreamlike manner.

I urged myself up a bit, to look at her more properly.

"You could help me with it." I suggest, like I had solved the entire mystery of the universe.

"Oh Lydia, don't be such a baby… This isn't fairy-land." She said to me with a compassionate glance up at my face. Her head was deeply planted in the pillow with the long blonde hair in a loose braid on the opposite side I was. It almost dropped over the side of the bed. When I look disappointed, she looks snubbed.

"Oh, but I've tried Lydia." She assured. "I try to make you do right every day in fact, but you never seem to listen to me. I try very much to pull you away from the floods of unease, but alas, on the contrary; it only seems like I push you in there."

She was telling me off but I couldn't help but smile like an idiot. Even her insults were marvelously composed. She almost made them appear like compliments.

I lowered my voice and leaned down towards her face, tilting my head to the side slowly.

"Then you ought to be more gentle with me." I whispered and planted a small peck onto her lips. As soon as I pull away, she's back at it.

"I _"ought to"_ absolutely nothing. I have made you spoiled enough to sleep in my own sheets." She says, grabbing onto her book again.

"That's true." I admitted and slummed down on her arm, hugging her over her stomach whilst she adjusted the book in her bare hands again. The fabric of her bedgown was feathery thin and no words could describe how good she smelled.

I haven't been so comfortable in my life.

"So… Exactly how often do you wear that uniform?" I smile at the memory mischievously.

She couldn't read another page after I'd asked that. But she couldn't blame me since she herself had admitted that she pushed me into these sorts of things.

I was innocent.


	11. I play hide and seek

_[The name of my_ _ **OC**_ _is_ _ **Lydia Romanoff**_ _and is made up by me.]_

* * *

The office was abandoned when I entered it, which was a bit odd since I always came face to face with Integra whenever I did. But now, the large room was empty. I twirled around to see if she was browsing through shelves or something but I didn't see any sight of my blonde, long-haired boss anywhere.

Then, my eyes drifted to the windows and I approached them. I was quite sure that the windows in Integra's office were the largest in the house. I grabbed onto one of the curtain lengths and looked up to the ceiling and from where they hang. They must be meters long.

I grinned as I peeked out through the window at the vast country yard and stepped behind the curtain. From there it was decided. I had found my favorite place in the Hellsing manor.

It was a crowded little place but it was airy enough so that you could spin around and make a whole twirl on the same spot without bumping into the curtain and getting busted from the other side. I think I even could sit down on the floor with my legs crossed.

I feel my face get pale when I hear the door to the office open.

I hear a voice. Integra's voice.

She's talking, discussing something with Walter, I realized, when I heard him too.

Whatever should I do now, hidden behind the curtain like a burglar?

If I stayed too long then she must think that I've spied on them, so I needed to get out of here before they found me themselves. I was convinced that Walter must have a fifth sense of some kind, so it wouldn't take long for me to be discovered.

But I just didn't seem to find the right timing to expose myself.

"We need to shorten the list of the conference guests to minimize any form of risk." Walter said.

"Security is our priority in this case then, but we must make the right choices. That would be the tricky part."

Silence. I hear Integra sit down in her chair.

"Any sign of Lydia?"

My heart boomed.

Lydia. She referred to me as Lydia. My first name. It felt oddly intimate. Well, I must certainly be the only Lydia under her command then.

"I'm quite certain I saw her this morning." Walter says.

I let out a sigh of embarrassment and shut my eyes, like someone who experienced something painful. It was my time to shine and I didn't have to pretend that his wouldn't be awkward.

"I'm behind the curtain." I said, loudly enough to be heard.

I hear nothing from the other side then, and the office gets just as silent as it was when I first had entered it and it was empty. I stand in the same place like a fool, waiting for any of them to say something.

Integra beats Walter to it, of course.

"Why then come out from there." She orders and I can hear how snubbed and irritated she is. She must've exchanged some real glances with her butler because of me.

I peak my head out from behind the curtain and smile sheepishly at them both of them who wear similar dumbfounded expressions on their faces. I approach them with embarrassment. Integra's frowning gaze is aimed at me all until I stand in front of her desk, beside Walter. Her blue eyes are stuck on me for another painful while and I see her shake her head at me before turning to Walter again.

"Take a closer look to it and research the guests on the list. I'll leave you to it."

"Yes sir Integra." He bows and disappears out of the room.

"Do I even have to ask?"

I smile at her.

"I can show you." I say and she frowns again. "What are you suggesting?"

"Please come with me, Integra." I insist and round her master desk and reach out my hand to her.

"I don't have time for this." She mutters, yet she grabs my hand and stands up. "You were late for me so I have every right." I say and pull her lanky form with me.

"You have every right." She repeats, unconvinced. Before showing her my hiding place I look up at her with a grin; holding her hand with one hand and the curtain with the other.

"Why were you late?" I asked her and she looks a bit taken aback.

"I don't have to explain myself to you." She says and I roll my eyes.

"Come on then." I say and pull her behind the large curtain that was big enough to hide us both. I giggle as I let go of her hand.

"Look up." I say, and for the first time, Integra might take orders from me as she stretch her neck and look up at the hangers with her eyes peered for being blessed with the sunlight from outside.

"It's like another world isn't it?" I ask her dreamily, and I can't keep myself from touching her again as I grab her arm. Integra's blue eyes drop down on me together with a sigh.

"This is silly Lydia." She tells me, not as impressed as myself.

"No it's not." I tell her, feeling the 'happy' leave my face. Perhaps I sounded a bit too serious. "It's the best hiding place in the world." I said in a convincing manner.

"Well it's not if you expose yourself the way you did earlier. You made me jump in front of Walter. I could punish you for that." She says, still not allowing herself to step into my fantasy.

"Well if we put it this way, then: Imagine there's a zombie apocalypse going on..."

Integra raises her brow at me. I laugh nervously.

"OR more realistically: The mansion is under attack by a current enemy of ours, and we would never be found if we stayed here." I say enthusiastically in an attempt to hope her to understand my ideals. I shake her arm a little in this thrill of imagination. But she looks even more deadpanned than what she's done when I mentioned the zombies.

"Our organization is being violated and the head of Hellsing in hiding behind a curtain in her office." She says, unconvinced, glancing down at my hand clutching onto the sleeve of her suit. I laugh half-heartedly, because it was a bit funny, but I was more disappointed. Integra never reacted to things the way I wanted her to.

"Well, when you put it that way, you sort of ruin everything." I mumble bitterly, my hand releasing the expensive fabric.

Integra captures my hand before it disappeared.

"Oh, Lydia, Lydia… This isn't fairly-land. Don't be such a child…" She says in a lower voice and takes another step towards me so that I back into the pillar attached to the wall. On my one side I had the big window, and the other side I had the heavy curtain. In front of me I had Integra Hellsing.

Towering over me, she cages in my smaller body with hers, pressing against me as she moves my hand up to the side of her face. She moves her face to smile against my palm as she press her lips against it, glancing down at me affectionately. I stare up at her almost in horror because I had gotten so caught of guard.

One of her knees where against the pillar as well, pushed in-between the curtain and my body. Her other hand was placed carefully on the glass of the window. I smile and let out a shaky breath at the same time. "I'm getting quite… warm." I let out a nervous little laugh as I have nowhere else to put my eyes except on her face.

"Well this is a crowded place. You don't think we could light a fire and call it a common room do you? Don't you fancy that, dear?" She asks and moves her hand from the window to stroke the side of my face.

"You're as bold as brass now, Integra." I tell her, it sounds like a warning.

"That doesn't alter my opinion one bit. Your fairy-land daydreaming made it come to this. Just because your intentions are sprinkled in pink sugar doesn't make them less gallant." She whispers and my eyes latter shut, and I feel her press her lips to my lips.

She let's go of my hand to hold my face with both of her hands. I don't know what to do with my own two hands; they end up grasping onto the cut of her suit around her waist, creeping up underneath it to feel the warmth permeate through the fabric of the white shirt.

Integra react unexpectedly to this and reload with another deep kiss, her chin forcing my head back against the pillar and swing her head to the side to try out a new angle. My hands can feel the soft and firm flesh around her waist under her shirt, despite the fabric in the way.

Integra's hands drop down on my shoulders heavily and she pulls away sharply, panting a bit. Her blue eyes scan over my face like she was checking if everything were alright with me. My hands stop what they're up to, but they won't move away from underneath her black suit jacket.

She looks at bit confused at her own actions.

"We've been to hell and back, Lydia." She tells me, squeezing my shoulders.

"Have we?" I ask her, hearing myself pant. Integra scan my face quickly again before kissing me another time. And another. Again and again. I wasn't prepared for it to happen so soon, and I have a difficult time to keep up with her irregular kisses. She must have stolen at least five kisses from me by now. She couldn't stay still. She always needed to plant another and another. She couldn't relax.

Integra take a pause and look down at me.

"Have you mentioned this to anyone else?" She asks me in a breath and I shake my head like it was the craziest thing to do in the world.

"I know you Lydia. I know you're too scared to admit it." She removes her hands from my shoulders and let them drop by her sides. "But you are in love with me. And you have every right."

My eyes widen and dart away from her gaze. My hands slowly remove themselves from underneath her clothes. I'm not sure, but my eyes feel warm, like there's a layer of hot tears gathering on them.

"But it's no point in pretending that it's going to be easy, when you are the one who will suffer most from a discovery like this. It must be more savage and more cruel than you could've imagined. But it's nothing to me. I don't care what people think. Do you understand?"

I nod and shake my head at the same time, and then I feel the tears from my eyes drop but Integra is quick enough to catch them. "We're more than sunbows and birds, or _love_ if you'd like… We're strong and sharp, you and I, aren't we? Let's be strong, Lydia." She says, wiping my tears away.

I sniff and nod in her two hands and look dependently into her blue eyes.

"I'm sorry I made you jump in front of Walter." I mumbled.

"Oh, hear hear…" Integra says and let's out a little scoff that almost sounds disgusted. But she is smiling at me.

"It's wonderful what fear can do to the human spirit, isn't it?" She asks and stretches her neck to look up at the ceiling again; admiring the curtain pendants. Or asking God for help.


	12. I make papers tumble

_[The name of my_ _ **OC**_ _is_ _ **Lydia Romanoff**_ _and is made up by me.]_

* * *

I think I was certain. That's why I was so nervous today. That's why I was so sad. That's why my hands were trembling and I didn't talk. But I had made up my mind about this, and I wanted to believe that it was for the best, even if I fooled myself.

"Lydia? What's the matter with you? You're all thumbs." Integra noticed whilst I gathered papers and handed out new ones, helping me pulling in the last chair in the conference room under the table.

I couldn't let her have this heavy burden upon her.

I looked at her from the other side of the large conference table. She had gathered a fist full of pencils and dropped them all down in a little drawer that were the size of a shoebox.

"I've been thinking about something." I said, receiving her full attention.

It was like the entire room fell silent.

The world stopped, as if it knew what I was about to do, and what was about to happen. And it was something only a foolish person would ever considerate doing in my blessed position.

"I think you'd might be better-off if I left service." I said in a calm, despondent voice.

A dropped sewing needle could be heard in the sound of silence.

"What?"

Integra looked at me like she hadn't understood a single word of what I just had said, but I knew she had.

The two of us were the only people here in this room and time had stopped and earth had a break from moving.

She had heard me to the best of her ability. But it was like she didn't believe it. Or refused to altogether.

"You'd be better off without me." I said more bluntly, more confidently even.

"Honestly, you must know it too. I'm of no use here, and I'm wasting my time, _and_ yours, while others under your command sacrifice their lives. But I'm nothing like them. I'm not half as devoted and committed."

My boss stares at me, listening carefully at everything that I had put to words. I knew she could use my own words against me, which was one of her talents, but a decision is always a decision.

Not even Sir Integra Fairbrook Hellsing could alter that.

"You've been a tremendous help with the duties here." Integra's answer is short and surprisingly positive and she won't let her eyes look away from me. But it doesn't stop me from avoiding her sharp gaze.

I let out a sigh and look down at the shiny surface of the conference table. I think a more aggressive response would make it easier for me to make this risky but necessary decision, but now she only made me feel guilty.

 _No. No._

 _That is exactly how she wants me to feel!_

 _It's all a game, I'm not to be guilty-stamped like this!_

"That's not what I meant, Integra. I didn't mean making coffee and giving you letters. I want to do a real job. Real work." I looked up at her then, finally getting to the point that I was aiming for this entire time.

"And I'd hate you to be uncomfortable in your own house." I said, at last having that said. She knew about my feelings, my shine to her. And they must be haunting her mind too, perhaps even more.

"I won't hear any of it." Integra deadpanned directly, her hands dropping down to her sides as she stepped away from the table and her earlier matters, leaving the box with pencils alone.

"But Integra-"

"You will not be deprived of your employment because I made you fall for me and forgot myself and you will not pay the price for me behaving unprofessionally." She said, but she only seemed to make me more and more independent in my choice.

I loved my job.

I loved Hellsing.

I loved this house.

I love Integra.

But my love was to more trouble than usefulness. So I would do anything I could to help Integra, even if it would wound myself deeply.

"I could afford to pay whatever price with the immense salary I get from you. I don't even have the time to spend half of a monthly income before the next comes in."

I didn't mean to make it all sound like a joke, but it did, and it made me feel so ungrateful and disrespectful.

Spoiled.

I was acting like a spoiled little brat.

"Lydia… Can you hear the words coming out of your mouth right now? Can you hear how brainless and egotistic they are? Because I can."

"With all due respect Integra. It's not all about you." I said, feeling myself getting annoyed at her for not taking my decision seriously.

"I know you think of me as some silly little person, a common, foolish person and you always think you're controlling everything – like you got the world on puppet strings. But if you really think that you're in control of it all, including me then-"

"THEN you're quite clear on that score!"

Integra shouted at me and storms towards where I'm standing, knocking a chair over in the process as she marches around the large table. I consider running away from her, out of the conference room, but I didn't want to be chased and caught by her out of many different reasons. Amongst them was that I would possibly die of embarrassment.

Instead I sort of just stand there innocently, like a person who knew nothing about anything, until my chin gets jerked up to look into her eyes with force.

"You better be prepared because I shall now tell you something that I hope I won't have to repeat. If you think you can end your relationship with me, or in some way put me out of your life, I tell you now that I am by most measures a successful woman who have wealth and power beyond the dreams of you and you have given me the power to destroy you, and don't think for a second that I won't make use of it. I love you. For richer. For poorer. For greater. For worst, Lydia, and I want to be a good boss, and for you to be happy, but don't ever try flirting with betrayal ever again. I won't hear it."

She yanks my face to the side as her hard grip on my chin let loose.

She breathes heavily. In and out. Like she had been running or had gotten really startled.

"I won't hear any of it."

I held the pile of collected papers against my chest and I stumbled back into a chair under her blue eyes.

What was happening? What had just happened?

My heart was pounding so heavily that I was convinced that my body would slum down to the floor any second now.

I was afraid and euphoric at the same time.

It was impossible for me to find words.

She had taken both my breath and my voice and ability to talk away.

And she had taken my heart.

"You're doing something gallant here. Making a sacrifice for my tribute. But I don't want you to. I'd rather let us engulf this organization in scandal. I'd live in sin with you, Lydia. But it's cost me all I got to say these things. The rest is detail, and there's where the devil is."

My mouth had been gaping for quite a long while now. I let the papers go so they tumble down in between me and Integra, who refuse to budge eye contact even though I made a mess. My hands were gripping onto the backrest of the chair behind me for dear life.

 _Could it be?_

 _Could it really be true?_

 _Was her feelings mutual?_

I swallow a few times, closing my mouth, clearing my throat, but still no words. I was moved. So flattered that it felt like I was floating.

I was surprised at why I didn't start crying, but then it hit me.

I was in supreme shock condition.

"Are you afraid of me now Lydia?"

I shake my head slowly at her question and let my gaze drop to the papers on the floor.

"I'm just sorry." I say, barely in a whisper. "I almost tendered my resignation… and I was willing to give up the best job in the world just for my own principles. How terribly far-fetched and unkind of me..."

"Don't be in despair, Lydia. It's very middle class. We simply must work with what we got to minimize the scandal. This might even be a blessing in disguise." Integra says calmly, kneeling down to pick up some of the papers.

"Integra." I said.

"Were you afraid?" I returned the odd little question to her.

Integra pauses, looking at the papers in her hand before looking up at me with mindful blue eyes.

She stands up slowly; the tips of her blonde hair had been resting on the floor but were now following her movement.

"Yes." She said to herself.

"Yes, Lydia I was afraid." She said to me.


	13. I become my evil twin

_[The name of my_ _ **OC**_ _is_ _ **Lydia Romanoff**_ _and is made up by me.]_

* * *

Sometimes, as Integra's personal assistant, it could be slightly difficult to separate the personal from the personal, which in some cases could lead to unforeseen and even a little bit awkward situations.

But of course, the awkward situations seem to leave more harm on me.

Integra could always manage.

"Sorry! I didn't know you were changing!" I said, just about to retreat from my surprise visit in her bedroom, but Integra stopped me with her well-mannered words.

"Wonderful timing Lydia. Please help me to encounter with this… monstrosity." She said, looking at me standing behind her in the reflection of the mirror, completely unaffected by my abruptness.

Monstrosity?

I approach her curiously after closing the door to her room.

"Does this brooch work or not? I can't decide." She asks me.

She held a brooch in her hands, examining the design; her long fingers angling it around slowly as if she was inspecting it.

I almost couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Integra standing in front of a full body mirror, only wearing a long-sleeved shirt. But what surprised me even more was that she allowed me to enter whilst she was undressed.

She was barefoot and wore nothing on her long, golden legs, but the shirt covered her bum and almost reached down to her knees. Her skin was silky smooth, like the legs you see in the waxing and skin care commercials.

"It's too pompous, isn't it?" She mumbles to herself.

She looked so pure and clean by simply standing there in the morning light. Like an angel; the blonde hair around her like a veil of gold.

"Do you want it?" She ask me nonchalantly, suddenly reaching it out to me and dropped it in my confuzzled, outstretched hands.

"Good luck to you, it's difficult to open. Perhaps you're more patient than me when it comes to things like that." She wonders and looks at me wholly for the first time since I came in.

"Are you really okay with me being here while you…" I trailed off, playing with the heavy brooch in my hands. I tried not to gawk at her legs again. I never knew legs like that even existed.

"Why not? You might as well witness my shame. Let's just hope my reputation survives it." She smirks with an arched brow after letting out a little snort.

I suppose Integra wasn't as modest as I earlier had suspected her to be. But she could be very flustered about other things, especially compliments. Not that she needed them. She had obviously a pair of eyes to see with for herself.

I snapped out of my trance when I realized that I had been gawking at her again, my boss.

"Is there anything I can fetch you?" I ask with a cheerful smile, mostly to keep my head busy with other thoughts.

"Fetch?" She asks me with an amused look in her eyes. I blink a few times.

"Too animalistic?" I ask her meekly.

"Yes, but no thank you Lydia. Your shift hasn't even started yet so sit down while you can. I'm not an imbecile who needs constant watching. You out of everyone should know."

"Yes, but I only assumed that Walter was in duty to dress you. That's one of the things butlers are for, isn't it?" I ask her, making my way over to her large bed.

"Yes, but I can never get used to being dressed up like a doll. Be a dear and give me that, Lydia." She says and mention to a piece of fabric on the bed before I had plopped down on it.

She gives me an idea then and I grin up at her before I hand her the piece.

"I can do it." I tell her and she glares at me with half-lidded, unimpressed eyes.

"I mean-"

"I know what you mean Lydia, and it doesn't alter my opinion one bit. I can dress myself." She says and snatches the piece from my hand in the blink of an eye.

"It could be fun." I suggest, swinging my body side to side like a child asking for a coin.

"In what way?" Integra asked with her jaw angled up as she tied the collar to her shirt with a firm knot with the fabric she had swirled around her neck under her hair.

"Well to start with, we could spend even more time together." I said optimistically.

"Are you really that infatuated with me?" Integra asks, adjusting the bowtie and the collar before straightening out the shirt.

"Yes." I answer her bluntly and find myself a bit dumbfounded.

Of course I was.

Integra looks at me after a charming roll of her eyes and a sigh.

"And here I always thought servants are far more conservative than their employers." She says and I feel how my heart gets low. Being reminded of work during these moments could feel really mood-ruining.

"I dislike being called that by you." I said shyly.

Integra looks at me in mild misunderstanding.

"Conservative?" She asks with a brow raised.

"Servant." I correct with a half giggle.

"But Lydia, you _are_ my servant. Aren't you?"

"Yes. But I don't like to be reminded of it."

"Then who else shall remind you?"

"Nobody. Just leave me alone." I muttered and walked over to the bed to slum down on it in a sudden, girlish and childish bitterness.

Well that was a sudden turn. I even surprised myself a little with my sudden change in behavior. I don't know why I said that.

Integra stares at me. It gets awkward.

"My darling girl, what's this? That sounded very ominous of you." She said in bewilderment, no longer giving her appearance attention.

"Have you swapped place with your evil twin?"

Nothing was worse than realizing that I just had confused Integra with a bad mood when she hadn't done anything to deserve it. On another day, it could be suicide, but now I had just made her worry.

Incredibly unnecessary.

"Sorry. I just… I'm sorry." I said. I grab the brooch I had left on the mattress a moment ago. Maybe it could protect me from misfortune.

Integra doesn't say anything more to me, but she's still staring.

"You're not _just_ a servant to me if that's what you think."

"Uh-huh." I mumbled pitiably, fidgeting with the brooch in my hands. I try to not care when she comes over to me and sit down at my side.

But it's hard. The scent of her follows after and it smells so good that I feel the urge to just throw myself over her.

"With you by my side – What harm can I come to?" She says in a low voice. I must look at her, and when I do, she is smiling.

Heavens.

"Although, I'm not sure how professional that is for me to point out." She adds, putting her larger hand around the nape of my neck. It sends shivers down my spine and stops my heart.

"I sometimes think you equates being businesslike with being mean." I mumbled, despite having her hand on me in this alluring way.

"Lydia, you're a girl with a brain and a reasonable ability so stop complaining and do something; paint with water colors or read books or write a novel. I like you enough to live here without assigned duties. This house is large enough for that."

I look at her carefully, trying to understand what she was saying. Did she really mean that she wanted me to simply live under the same roof as her without actually doing anything? Was it a suggestion, or a promise, or a request? Whatever it was, it felt too good to be true, but it also made me feel weak and useless.

Should I live on Integra for the rest of my life without lifting a finger?

I already had way too much time on my hands. Didn't she think I was capable of greater things?

"Why do you insist on treating me like a child?" I asked her then, suddenly feeling like she didn't think I could take care of myself.

"Don't say I must treat you like a God for a month to calm your nerves?"

 _It's a matter of perspective, I think._

Her hand left my neck to slide down my back and stop on the mattress just behind my butt.

 _It's a matter of perspective._


	14. I smell religious men

_[The name of my_ _ **OC**_ _is_ _ **Lydia Romanoff**_ _and is made up by me.]_

* * *

It was my first meeting with Integra and with all kinds of high-status men from different organizations with all kinds of involvements in the military world, but also the religious world. About half of them were catholic, and a there were also a few Jews. I was just me.

And Integra was Integra of course. Yet, she was like another person. Or maybe she was just more Integra than usual.

"The organization which I've been brought up in is not an official property and it will be protected, even from outer administrations which according to their own believes wants to offer a helping hand." I hear her strict voice inform the entire room. I am sitting by her side, but I disappear among the crowd. I'm invisible. I'm here, yet I'm not. My coffee is getting cold.

"In my opinion, all help is required and would do more good than harm." A fat man with rosy cheeks said. "Cooling down a bit wouldn't hurt that much either, Miss Integra." He says with a giddy chuckle that makes the insides of my stomach react, negatively.

Integra doesn't look as pleased at his comment either.

"You must be self supportive to have a chance of survival. Only the naïve doesn't recognize when their possessions are wanted by minorities." She says without moving a muscle of emotion in her face. I take a sip of my cold drink. It was nasty, and it didn't even taste anything like coffee but I still swallow it. Integra doesn't even care for any coffee at all, and I haven't seen her light a cigar either.

The foreign man beside me smells like lavender and peppermint. He wears a turban on his head. He hasn't spoken a word ever since he entered the room, only paying a huge deal of attention. That makes him my favourite. He was having spicy cinnamon tea instead of coffee. His cup was empty.

Integra lets out a sight when the room falls silent and leans back in her chair. She pinches the bridge of her nose with her glove-dressed fingers. "As I assumed from the start of this meeting, these kinds of arguments lead to absolutely nowhere. I shall dismiss this meeting now, and hopefully we can stick to the basic plan we created next Tuesday."

One at a time, the people started to stand up and gather their belongings, leaving cups whilst mumbling and muttering unheard things. Integra and I were soon the only two people in the conference room.

Coffee mugs were left all over the large table. It still smelt like lavender and mint.

"That was very… smart of you Integra. I think you handled this very professionally." I compliment her, shuffling with my hands in my lap.

"Never mind professional, I need a magic spell, Lydia." Integra said in a monotone voice, her hands now resting on her sides on the armrests of the chair. She looks at me with a half-hearted smile.

"How did you manage? I hope I didn't put you in a dim of dullness." She reaches out to me and I grab her hand in instinct.

"The man next to me smelled funny." I told her seriously and I see her arch one of her eyebrows.

"I guess I was amused at the idea of my free-spoken servant next to a mysterious outlandish zik by my side in this meeting." She says, blue eyes falling on his discarded tea cup. The damp teabag and the label are clearly visible.

"Look at that, I didn't even know we had that kind of tea." She says, sounding half-surprised.

 _I want to love the life out of her._

"Of course it gave my butler his best evening since Christmas…" She says with a knowing smirk and I suddenly see Walter standing by the doorway, looking at both of us with a knowing smile of his own.

"I'll show myself out." He says with a little bow. "I suppose your guests must be expecting a proper cheerio."

When Walter is gone, Integra's blue eyes dart at me.

"You're wonderful, Lydia." She suddenly says and I almost gape at her.

"You're the sweetest spirit underneath this roof."

I blush at the compliment, and I thank heaven for not letting her read my thoughts today.

Because I still want to love the life out of her.


	15. I should start reading legal documents

_[The name of my_ _ **OC**_ _is_ _ **Lydia Romanoff**_ _and is made up by me.]_

* * *

"Lydia do you have a minute?"

"I always have a minute for you." I quickly answered with a smug smirk and I twirl around in the corridor to face Integra, who just had arrived from the small library on the second floor with a folder underneath her arm. I was checking the windowsills. I always check the windowsills on Fridays.

"Come with me." She says sternly, not at all as affected by my attempt of seduction like I had hoped. I had expected her to take me to her office for serious conversation, but she walks in the opposite direction, by the way hitting me on my back lightly with the folder, as in ordering me to keep up with her. We end up walking calmly next to each other, but I had no idea where we were going. If we even were going anywhere, I didn't know what she had in mind.

"It's about your employment." She said, and I look up at her. "Yeah?"

"It has expired."

I stop dead in my tracks. "What?" I ask dramatically. "What does that mean? What will happen to me now?" I ask, not actually knowing why I reacted this way. It seemed like something serious, that you should react this way about. Integra looks at me, unchanged. "What _does_ it mean?" She asks with a smirk. "Well it means that you are unemployed now, at this very moment."

"Are you throwing me out?"

"Ah, don't be silly."

We're walking beside each other again.

"I've been working for you for two years." I inform her, in a way of defending my mere and humble station.

"The exact timeline of your assigned employment." Integra says smartly. "Perhaps you should care more about reading your own legal documents and contracts before you sign them."

I don't say anything after that.

Once again, my fate was in Integra's hands. As usual. She moves the folder to the other side of her arm so that the arm on my side have better access to touch me. Her hand reaches up to nudge the side of my face.

"Now then… What are we now, now that we're no longer boss and employee?" She asks softly, and I look at her shyly. "Integra and Lydia." I say dumbly, and she smiles with her teeth and removes her hand. "What a cosy couple, I must say." She says, but she's so sarcastic that it feels like she's radiates sarcasm itself. "So, are we renewing the contract or what?" I ask her, and my tone is suddenly very serious and short, and I can't undo it. Perhaps it was her sarcasm that got to me. I never really understood sarcasm, and when Integra uses it against me, it plays my heartstrings horridly. She looks at me with her blue eyes. "Miss sharp seemed to have escaped the knife box once again." She says with a baffled voice. "I find documents slightly unnecessary in the terms of a commitment like ours, but if you want to sign another paper so badly then let's do." She says calmly and takes out a cigar from her pocket and stops to light it up. I wait for her patiently.

Her nonchalant behaviour about this left me feeling a bit uncertain. It was like she didn't care if I was here or not. When it comes to business and employment, papers of proof are very important, that's one obvious thing. I guess that is not how the song goes here at Hellsing. Or maybe because not all companies and organisations have a forbidden and hidden-away relationship between two females, one of them being the boss herself. Of course, I trusted Integra with all of me, but signing something would only nail our relationship to the table and it would make me much calmer. Also, if she ever gets tired of me and want to throw me out, I can always use the signed document to my advantage (Unless she terminates the contract, which she can…). As long as I don't end up in-between the chairs, I will be pleased. And being seated on the chair next to Integra will make me even more pleased.

I follow Integra into a room that I've never been in before. It is an office, but a much more smaller office than her official one that is huge like the office of a president. This seemed to be the office belonging to a more middleclass person like myself… Perhaps this was the room that she kept all her paperwork of her employees. The walls were decorated with bookshelves, leaving no room for the wall to be exposed behind them. She fishes out another folder nonchalantly and walks over to the desk to toss it down, the folder in her armpit not far behind as she puts it down on the empty space next to it.

I creep up behind Integra and stand closely beside her, leaning on her like a stray cat. I watch her going through the pile of papers inside the folder she had opened. Puffs of air surprising me when her long armed moved, and it wasn't cigar smoke this time. "You smell so nice." I tell her quietly, watching her profile carefully. It came out in a silly mutter. She gives me a side glance. "Calvin Klein." She says, finding the paper and putting away the folder. She places a hard-metallic pencil on top of it.

"Signature and printed name."

She leaves me with this mission and walks over to the window.

"I didn't know you were fond of branded perfumes." I tell her while writing my crow footprints.

"Cologne." She corrects me, like it was a very important detail.

I smirk. "Calvin Klein…"


	16. I live in her pocket

_[The name of my_ _ **OC**_ _is_ _ **Lydia Romanoff**_ _and is made up by me.]_

* * *

Normally, I would've greeted her. But right now, I was just pleased with inspecting her from afar. Although this sounds creepy, I shamelessly watched her from behind a large furniture in the hallway. She stood by the window anyway, and she had a phone call, so I wouldn't want to interrupt her. That would be thoughtless. I listened to her talking to this person on the other side of the line, not paying great attention to her words. Well, not until I heard her say in the most serious manner, "… So be it. I don't care if he dies. Kill him."

Then she hung up, putting her phone in her pocket nonchalantly like she just had ended a call from a telephone company, or ordered food from somewhere. I remained silently where I were, and Integra stood by the window for a little while longer before she walked in my direction.

My heart had dropped to my stomach. I'm well aware of what Integra's career was about, and what sometimes needed to be done for the organization, but actually hearing her take lives in this coldblooded fashion made my skin crawl and I got a bad taste in my mouth. It made me even more afraid of her than I secretly was. Yet, I step out in the corridor, just in time for us to face each other. "Ah, Lydia." She says in a softer tone, looking delighted. "I was just wondering… Where have you been lurking?"

It was almost funny, the great change in her behaviour. So, she was nice now?

"Do you often kill people like that, through the phone?" I ask her with a straight face, rejecting her question in instant. Integra looks at me for a moment before she tilts her head back a little, like a person trying to see something more clearly. "So, you overheard that…" She recognizes calmly. "I suppose that leaves me with no option other than to kill you too." She says, forming a fake gun with her fingers and reaching up to my temple. She looks me dead in the eyes this entire time. I feel myself gape a this. It was so very inappropriate! She just killed someone for God's sake!

I grab her hand firmly and moves it away from my face. "This is no time for this!" I tell her, and the reaction I get from her is nothing but cheer laugher, as I hear her pure laughs chime through the corridor. It sounds angelic, but due to the circumstances, I don't feel obliged to enjoy her charm one bit. "Is there no time for this?" She asks me, with the laughter still ringing in her voice as she steps towards me, allowing my hand to still have a grip on hers. I stumble back, because Integra is ridiculously tall. "I'm being serious!" I tell her in an offended manner, but she just keeps approaching me. When she mumbles my name and lean down to my face with the intention of kissing me, it gets too much for me. I release her hand harshly and back away from her. "We're not fine!" I hiss at her and later glare at her with all the dislike I can master.

Integra straighten her posture, looking down at me silently. I feel my face burn in result of this act. I want to run away. I want to cry, but I'm just standing there, glaring. Without warning, Integra releases another laugh. She is smiling with her teeth. She adjusts her glasses. I stand in front of her awkwardly, finding it hard to breath. Perhaps I had underestimated Integra this entire time. She wasn't just my attractive boss. There was more to that, way more, that I had tried to bypass and ignore. She killed people, Integra. She had people underneath her that killed for her, for her organization. She was in such high position that people listened to those kind of orders, just like I religiously obeyed her whenever she needed another cup of coffee. She was powerful, Integra. Mighty. Powerful. To me, she was this powerful, attractive person above me, that made my living. To others, she was a complete nightmare.

"How unfortunate. It seems like all the softness you have found in me has dried up. Perhaps it was all in your fantasy, Lydia." She searches after a cigar in her pocket. "But who can blame you? We're in each other's pockets. We live together. Work together…" After having lit the cigar, she keeps it in her mouth. "I suppose it's up to you now. You can do whatever you want. Wouldn't want to force my company as a murderer upon you, would we?" She asks with her gleaming blue eyes.

I was a fool. This shouldn't be as much as a surprise to me as it is.

She was Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing.

"Spare me." I say with a deadpanned expression. Integra raises an eyebrow. "Pardon?", "Spare me." I tell her again, and I can't resist a smile as I approach her and reach out to touch her. My hands find her blazer through long blonde hair strands as my body leans onto hers. I tilt my head back, looking into her eyes as I hold onto her clothing. Integra let's out a small snort, a mild laugh. "Why do you always feel the need to be hostile?" She asks me. One of her hands reach up to cup the back of my head.

"Just for the record, I don't mind living in your pocket…" I say in a silly whisper, removing the cigar from her mouth to which she grins at, and I hear a chuckle rustling on the inside of her throat. She leans down to the side of my face; her scent is so strong that it feels like it will stick and stay on me forever. Her lips nudge my earlobe when she speaks. _"You want to live in my pocket, and you want me to spare you? I don't see how that goes around… You can't have it all, Lydia."_

Oh, but I could.


	17. I'm a wild thing

_[The name of my_ _ **OC**_ _is_ _ **Lydia Romanoff**_ _and is made up by me.]_

* * *

Her touch felt a bit off as her hand was gripping onto my shoulder and urged me down to the service hall. There was something curious going on, and all I could do was to protest with a nervous chuckle. All this time, Integra had been walking me here like we were thieves in the night; constantly keeping her hand on me so that she had everything under control (like always). But who was there to caught us? This was her own house for crying out loud. When we found ourselves alone in the kitchen, I could no longer help myself. "Integra, why are we in the service kitchen?" I asked, all familiar to this place where I uncountable times have prepared refreshments to the conference.

Integra finally released my shoulder (her touch was so firm that it almost hurt) and looked down at me in front of one of the workstations. Her blue eyes were glossy, and as she spoke, there was a sweet scent of wine from inside her mouth, or maybe even all around her. "I'm feeding you." She said seriously, and the hand was back on my shoulder, which was completely unpractical as she was about to grab a large bowl from the shelf above the station. She was literally just leaning over me and I had to back into the counter behind me as her chest approached my face. Her movements were suspiciously slow and thought out. I frowned, and looked up, but all I could see was hair that almost tangled me in and the underneath of a sharp chin. My nose was in-between her collarbones.

"Integra…" I said in a light warning, toned with curiosity and perhaps fear. I put my hands up, holding onto her shoulders carefully. "Are you drunk?" Now, I could smell the scent underneath the wine; freshly ironed fabric, a scent white to its color. It was her scent, and the bodily contact got overpowering when the smooth flawless skin of her neck caressed my face. She stood so close to me, and I feel ants crawling on my neck and scalp and a sudden drowsiness that came over me that was impossible to defend myself against.

All she could do when answering me was letting a chuckle rustle in her throat as she finally got possession of the bowl she wanted and pulled away so that I could breathe properly. She never really answered my question as she continued gathering supplements for this mission; all the same, with the usual grace and elegance she possessed, even in this state.

"Okay…" I said slowly, watching her carefully. There was no need to worry about her, since she just seemed a little tipsy. She always manages, Integra. Yet... it can't be helped that it is a very odd thing to behold. "What are you making?" I asked later, as she had moved all equipment and ingredients to a large table in the middle of the kitchen. I almost lost myself in a storm of laughter when she nonchalantly said "Pancakes." And started cracking eggs in the big bowl she had previously picked from over my head.

It would take Integra to be drunk for her to make pancakes like an average human being. The thought was ridiculous, but I'm just pleased that she wasn't the aggressive drunk like some people can be. But strangely enough, Integra appeared to look completely normal. Well of course, Integra was Integra, even with a few drops of alcohol inside her.

"But why?" I asked, and the glare she gave me turned me more positive to her sudden idea. "I mean it's not like I have anything against them. In fact, I love pancakes." I said, to which she snorted as she began whipping the eggs swiftly. "Well aren't you the wild thing?" She said, and I concealed a laugh once again as I dared to approach her. I always had some kind of phobia for drunk people, but Integra seemed to just have her roots deeper to the ground when she was one of those so I felt really secure in her presence, even now.

I watched her wrist as it mixed the eggs together and I don't think I've seen anything beautiful like that in a long while. She had removed her suit jacket in her office, and now she had rolled up the sleeves of her white shirt at some point. But the long hair was almost never bothered with. It mostly framed her slender body in like a veil on a bride. Simply looking at up at her profile, I just find myself sort of leaning on her. I'm not reaching out to touch her with my hands, I'm just letting my body rest standing next to her as my head is resting on her upper arm. But it doesn't take long before she has anything else in mind and reach out to grab milk and flour, almost making me fall over.

There I stand, alone, useless and awkward as I watch my boss take this task so seriously that it's almost laughable. She's maintaining the straight face all this time, like a mother who does something she has done million times before. "You need help?" I ask bravely, wiggling on my feet restlessly. "I know how to make pancakes. Sit down." She tells me softly without looking in my direction. Instead of sitting down somewhere, I just moved out of her way and watched her from afar as I was leaning on one of the many counters.

This was a large kitchen. Large in case a party or an important dinner would take place in the Hellsing Manor that would require an entire staff backstage. When she poured the first pancake in the frying pan, she glanced back at me. "What is it?" She asks me, just when I thought the exact same thing. And then I come to realize that I had been staring and smiling at her this entire time. "Nothing. My eyes just stuck…" I said shyly, putting my hands on the counter behind me, as in trying to look comfortable even though I wasn't completely sure if I was. Integra looks at me for as long as she allows the pancake to lay on one side, until she approach it again and flip it over to later lay on a large plate on the side.

I kept standing there, staring until the last pancake was made. Then she walks with the pan to the dishing room, leaving me alone for only a few seconds and then she's back again. "Come on." She says, picking up the plate of pancakes and I follow her. We end up sitting in front of each other in the service hall. Integra only hands me a knife and a fork to eat my sudden meal with. The plate full of pancakes are placed in front of me.

"I don't think I'm able to eat all this." I tell her, even though I wasn't afraid to try it.

Integra only stare at me blankly, gesturing with her hand, forever with the same gracefulness, as in saying "Bon appetit!" or perhaps "You're welcome.".


	18. I'm too weak to deal with porcupines (1)

_[The name of my_ _ **OC**_ _is_ _ **Lydia Romanoff**_ _and is made up by me.]_

* * *

She was acting a little odd this merry morn, Integra. It was like she had been avoiding me, and at the same time expecting and hoping for me to do the exact same thing. But Integra and I were different. Very different, so I had been following her around, nevertheless. At one point, Integra faced me and had decided to confirm the end of our complex silence treatment game.

"Lydia, would you be so kind and avoid my office today? You look like you need some rest. I don't mind you having a day off from your duties." She said to me, to which I laughed off. "Nonsense. I'll help you out through any day, you know that right?" I asked her with a smirk, about to grab the handle to her office, but she's there before me, blocking my way in.

"Lydia." She says strictly, and I take a step back, putting my hands away from sight behind me. "Okay…" I say meekly with a confused frown. Now I was even more certain that something was odd. Integra looks sharply at me for only another moment before she releases a sigh. "How can I put this delicately…" She wondered out loud and I stare at her patiently. "Lottie Hillker is on the other side of this door." She says in a low voice. Lottie Hillker. That name... I met her about one month ago. Lottie Hillker with the TV-profile smile. And the sweet tooth for refreshments.

At first, I don't have anything to say about this, but after a moment of thinking, all memories are there, and not a single one of them being pleasing. I think for a moment, and I look at the door Integra is guarding and then at her face.

"Son of a bitch." Is all that comes out of my mouth. Integra raises her eyebrows at my sudden proclaim. "Lydia. Mind your language." She says calmly in her gentle British accent. My gaze sharpen and I peer at her in suspicion. "Question: Do you advise me to stay away from her just because you think that I am too weak to deal with her?" I ask, continuing looking at her in warily. "That might be exactly what I'm doing." Integra answered contently and placed a firm hand on my shoulder. "Now, if you don't mind… I'm actually doing you a favour here, a favour in which you'd be a fool not to agree on."

"What happened with _'watch and not participate'_?" I asked whilst she was leading me away. Integra lets out a short laugh. "Well that went well last time, didn't it?"

"She asked for it."

"And if she does again, then what will you do?" Integra asked and stared daggers into my eyes. "I'm not asking you to be friends with her Lydia, I'm just telling you to mind your own business just this once. We'll reunite later." She says as she had walked me over to the side of the wall, further away from her office.

Her firm hand softens as she let it travel down my arm. Her blue eyes are watching me carefully, like a mother watching the reaction of a child she just disallowed a toy or a candy from.

 _"Reunite…"_ I whisper teasingly, looking playfully back into her eyes. Integra rolled her eyes, but she could not resist a smile. "Lydia…" She mumbled, placing her hands on either side of my hips discreetly, shooting a small glance down at my mouth. I giggled as she pulled me closer to her and I leaned my head back so that I could behold her face a bit more.

"Miss Integra?"

Both hands on me got snatched away in an instant as Integra turned her attention to the intruder in one sharp movement. "Did I mention that I cannot tolerate any caffeine in my coffee? I suppose that wouldn't be too much of trouble for a woman like you, who has so many resources."

Son of a bitch.

Integra had really invited the porcupine.


	19. I'm too weak to deal with porcupines (2)

_[The name of my_ _ **OC**_ _is_ _ **Lydia Romanoff**_ _and is made up by me.]_

* * *

Here we sat reunited. Only that this reunion was not a private one with me and Integra alone, but with a third part that didn't seem all that optimistic when it comes to how Integra runs her organization (with me involved). Everything Integra was trying to avoid this day was just happening. Miss Hillker and I had interacted, and it was too late to undo that. So Integra no longer cared if I joined or not, which I did, so I had no idea what would happen. But I was too curious about this to not be engaged, and knowing Integra, she would never give me any information about Miss Hillker's statements after the meeting was over, so I might as well listen with my own ears and sacrifice a big chunk of my comfort.

"So after the entire brouhaha; the high-ranking military who appeared to be the target of the attack was found unscathed, fortunately..."

Every word that came out from woman's mouth seemed to be drenched in cold sarcasm. Of course, Integra used sarcasm as well, but at least it was charming and it never crossed moral borders or infected her manners.

I noticed that the biggest difference between the meeting we had now and the meeting we had before in a completely different building was that now, I felt a little bit more at peace and could actually enjoy my tea and have som biscuits of my own. Miss Hillker was, as expected, completely nonchanalt towards me and did not bother sacrificing me a glance. But I could tell by the sharpness of her eyes that it was easy to provoke her, so I said nothing. Attention was not my main priority right now.

"But I never really trust military men. Who knows what they're up to in the trenches? Those men _get_ bored, and you'll never know what they're willing to do to erase their boredom..."

I glance at Integra then, who stirs her tea like she sat here all by herself with no one else around. She clears her throat carefully and put the spoon aside. I can't help but wonder if she was thinking about what happened earlier; if Miss Hillker's interaction had made her feel embarrassed. "I suppose the most important thing is for them to get the work done. Whatever happens in-between the chairs is irrelevant, wouldn't you agree?"

I look at Miss Hillker next, like the two women were throwing an invisible ball to each other and I was keeping track on the game. "Well just because they're doing something gallant, doesn't take away the fact that such activities are unclean." She answers sharply. Her chubby fingers held onto her cup tightly, and it made me worry about it's fortune, since it looked even more fragile with that hand in its possession.

"Obviously, laying in trenches makes you dirty." Integra says back calmly and I must control myself in order to not laugh, not because of the joke itself but the fact that it was Integra saying it. "What I'm saying is that such acts are not natural, you must understand that Integra." Miss Hiller insists and begs stubbornly. But Integra won't hear any of it, much to Miss Hillker's dissatisfaction.

"Even in nature, homosexuality is valid, natural and according to Science it can be found in more than 1500 animal species-"

 **"GOD DAMMIT MISS INTEGRA!** I AM NOT A FOOL. I know what I saw!" Miss Hillker roared in a terrible interruption to Integra's sensible explanation, standing up cross and red-faced and her stare shifted between the two of us like a hungry beast. "I suppose you know that such relationships are clearly not Christian-values friendly, by any stretch of the imagination, when understood and seen. This is not an innocent love; it is rebellious and it mocks moral absolutes!" She kept going, and Integra and I was too surprised by this that we only stared at her.

"Calm down." Integra says dispassionately. "Please."

Miss Hillker's nosedrills looks bigger than they did before. Or maybe they were always this big, I couldn't remember.

"I will not in any fibre of my being be calm about this! Don't forget yourself Integra. You're in a high position and if this information came out in public, it would be dreadful." The porcupine babbled on.

"Is that a threat?"

Miss Hillker doesn't answer Integra's question. Instead, she stares. Stares boldly into her eyes without saying another word. She puts her caffeinefree coffee away in front of her and then she does something that is completely disgusting. What she does is that, while standing up from the table, she grabs a sliced piece of chocolate shortcake and stuffs her gob with it; biting off a large piece that was so big that it still was visible inside her mouth, and she looks at the two of us for another moment before walking out of the coffee room, taking the rest of the pastry with her.

I stare at Integra in surprise, but all she does is clearing her throat and stands up herself, following her nasty guest to the front door. I'm not far behind either.

As I try to keep up with the two ladies, I listen to Miss Hillker's rant.

 ** _"This is a scandal like no other! There's no question about it. Oh, how higher thoughts I had of you! May God forgive you! May God forgive you all!"_**

By the entrance, Miss Hillker had managed to swallow all of the shortcake, which almost seemed impossible since she had been ranting so. When she sacrifices the two of us another look as she turns around in front of the big door, her target is me. Her eyes are glossy like she's about to cry. But when she speaks, I can only hear anger and something else.

"I hope you're very happy about this, you awful little servant girl. I see the sinful thoughts in you. You can't pull the wool over my eyes."

And when those words are known, I realize it. My eyes get wide then, and it's like everything falls into place. I knew there was another reason for her other than being horrible to react this way. "You're jealous of me." I say in a quiet realization, but Miss Hillker heard me. It was seen in the fear inside her wide blue eyes and in the redness of her face. I don't know what kind of impact my words had on her, but they were powerful enough to make her turn around and leave. (Battling with the complicated lock of the door before disappearing along the pavement).

Something squirms tight around my heart then when she is gone, like I was guilty of it all. Like everything was my fault. If this was about to get out in public, there was no other than me to blame. I should've listened to Integra and stayed away until she was gone. It wasn't suppose to end this way. The air feel weird when Integra and I have the building to ourselves. I dare not to look at her. I sense in me that this was the end of it all. I no longer had anything to do behind this door in front of us.

But then the most surprising happens. After I have collected the last of the courage I have in my heart to look at her, she grabs me, and leads me away from the earlier situation. As unconsciously fully understanding with the same obvious gentle motion she touches me without interruption through the giant house, further straining on the truth that always had seemed like a lie. Fog-goddess white hair is floating behind us as we march together from one end of a corridor to another. No traces are left behind us and no one perceives anything as soon we're slipping into a bedroom.

"W-what's happening?" I ask her nervously, finding it hard to breathe.

Integra keeps her hand on my upper arm whilst locking the door with a sharp turn with her slender fingers.

My gaze search anxiously through the large bed chamber, noticing the weight of the furnitures around us and Integra stood still, busy with her thoughts and firmly determined. Her answer is short. "Reunion."

My eyes turn round and my heart beats faster. For now, I realize that the impossible may take place. I feel like a root vegetable surrounded by bubbling water that soon will turn soft and be eaten. Integra and I in a simmering stew. I was utterly terrified, yet when she approches me, I open my arms and get pulled to her.

Her blue-eyed human iris takes in the whole of my features and I can not escape her enthusiastic eyes that see every nook of my being. I slowly tore my eyes in her as well, and weighed the pros and cons before they were even sure of themselves. Contradictory, her brain must have been extinguished, for then, she took charge towards me, as if she sensed the smell of an exposed throat and finally got a riot for an upset rage. Her large, gentle hands keeps me in place, yet moves me towards the bed where we fall down. She wanted to quench her gaze on me, putting down her power on me and arranges my blood and my lips to collaborate as she puts her mouth on mine in a full kiss. I try to take in her appearence with my touch with my eyes closed. The nose thin, thin and small anemic lips. Taste of coffee and something else, even more foreign than that and yet as english as it can ever be. Before I can analyze her further, it got too much for me as I feel a wet muscle invade the inside of my mouth and clear out my entire head of thoughts.

She was tense. Her entire body was locked, so hardly locked was her body that it did not give any light except the kind of light that shines over joists and reveals what time it is and the anatomy one has, or it is just the old common sense of dignity, pride and self-defense, the wickedness of all wickedness: that the one who puts an eye on it would be violated, and that the one who is soft comes to a disadvantage. Everything is really full of darkness and reflection. There is a leave for all reason, and in the ground below us there is a ceasefire.

She pulls her tongue out and sits up, like she had awaken from a dream. Her eyebrows twist up in distress as her knuckles strokes the side of my face almost cowardly gently. I saw it. I saw the love, but she couldn't stay any longer. She leaves the bed entirely and stands up with her back facing me and her hands in her hair, clutching her head like she had no idea what to do now.

That was what had happened.

She had pulled her claws in and disappeared

Afterwards, I tried to remember what had happened, and I did.

Something has attacked me, and left me alone after setting my soul on fire.

And it was Integra.

It was never Lottie Hillker.


End file.
